#aboutme – Revenge of Eve

One Woman’s Quest to Find the Perfect Notebook

Humble Beginnings

To some, paper is paper. But for others, paper offers an appreciation as a multipurpose medium. An avenue of expression.

I remember vividly, standing mesmerized by Lisa Frank folders for the first time. The bright colors and animal theme spoke to me. Her designs stood apart from her competitors on the school supply aisle. I imagine this is where stationery lovers are introduced to their beloved, during school supply season. Wide or college ruling, mechanical or wooden pencils, blue or black ink…slim pickings for a future connoisseur.

As my love for stationery evolves, so does the desire for a particular substrate. Ink, paper, and other tools tempt my pocketbook, varying in quality, color, and size. The exploration of stationery is finite. Herein lies a challenge. Where does one start?

Paper Passion

I began with paper. First I set out to discover my ruling type. I purchased cheap grid notebooks, dot ruled journals, and plain paper. My amateur self chose college over wide-ruled but my curiosity led me to see what the hype was about using other ruling styles.

My first ever premium notebook purchase was a Clairefontaine notebook with Seyes-ruling or French ruling. This style of ruling uses a combination of grid and lines originally intended to help those learning handwriting maintain consistent height and spacing of letters. While the ruling and quality of paper impressed me, I had chosen a cover and size that wasn’t for me. My search continued.

Down the rabbit hole I went. I was floating in a paradise of paper. Admittedly, I got distracted and purchased pretty notebooks with poor-quality paper. I needed focus. With so many options and no preference for ruling, I switched my attention to finding a brand that I align with. I set down some guidelines and off I went.

What I Gathered

Impulse buys taught me that I do not want the ruling to stand out. It distracts me. I prefer white over cream-colored paper. I also concluded that bleed-through is not acceptable. Ever. With these specifics in mind I forged forward on my quest.

In Support of Community

I will not list all of the brands that impress me. But I will say that commercially produced stationery is no longer an option. Not for my personal use. Instead I scout out other passionate stationery enthusiasts to make my purchases. On my mission, looking for a brand to support, I stumbled upon Galen Leather.

Enough can’t be said about this company. You should check em out. Their story is beautiful and the craftsmanship, top notch.

By this time I caught wind of the cult-like following of Tomoe River paper. With child-like exploration I dove head first into the frenzy. I could barely contain my excitement when I saw The Everyday notebook filled with this glorious paper on Galen Leather’s website! And even better, the notebook boasts 400 pages of this luxury paper. I pulled the trigger and never looked back. If you would’ve asked me 5 years ago if I would spend thirty dollars on a notebook, I’d think you were crazy.

But wait! There’s More

In true Candace fashion, while I was satisfied, I couldn’t extinguish the flame to try the dot grid. My exploration continued once more. I took to the world’s largest retailer, Amazon. I popped Tomoe River dot grid notebook in the search bar and up pops the Namani Crossfield Seven Seas notebook. featuring cross grid. Yes. Instead of a dot, there is a faint cross that helps guide horizontal and vertical lines. Much to my surprise, this notebook has 80 more pages!! I couldn’t resist. I sent the link to my boyfriend and within a few days, I held it in my hands. Finally, paper peace, packaged in a flat-lay notebook (click the link above for specs).

I have arrived.

Are you looking to spoil yourself? If so, I highly recommend both of these notebooks. The paper is fountain pen friendly, no bleed-through, thin, smooth…ah Best of all, you can use watercolor with beautiful results. My quest is a self-funded exploration. I am not an affiliate. You don’t have to be a paper lover to appreciate these notebooks. Give one a try!!

What excites you?

How Self-Aware Are You? Part 1

Please bear with me as I switch up my original format. Today’s post is meant to assist others in self-evaluation motivated by my personal experience. I am not a professional and the following advice is not a substitute for licensed opinion.

Today’s topic is an important one in the realm of self-improvement. Stepping up to the plate and acknowledging our behaviors takes courage. But bravery alone doesn’t get the job done. It takes work. That work begins with self-awareness. It is an ongoing process with reward. Before we dive into the most important aspect of growth, let’s define what it means.

Self-awareness is the conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motive, and desire.

A simple definition with loads of personal responsibility. Let’s elaborate and break it on down, shall we?

In life we learn there is only one thing we can control and that is our reaction to situations. In order to obtain that control one must be aware of their own feelings. For a semblance of order dispersed across the board, one needs to be aligned with their motives and desires.

True intentions come with a bagful of surprises if we aren’t aware of why our outcomes aren’t what we expected.

Desire is the motivator of intention. It is the driving force masked behind the action. It is important to evaluate this definition because while it’s simply read, it packs a punch. And if you are at the beginning of a self-improvement journey, it’s vital that it begins with the knowledge of your responsibility in the process.

Life is a journey, not a destination
Ralf Waldo Emerson

Are You Ready to Start the Work? Good because that’s the first step!

First:

Let’s get out a notebook (or your journal) and start putting things down. The process of actual handwriting and creating lists makes us 40% more likely to remember the content. This is some important work we are embarking on so we’ll take all the backup we can get!! So grab your pen and paper, I’ll wait 😉

Define Your Character

Character is defined as the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual. What qualities do you consider unique to yourself? This doesn’t mean that others don’t share certain qualities it just means that these are guidelines that govern you. These are things that you stand by, your definite, your no-go’s. Get specific. These can be characteristics that you are proud of or a list of characteristics you want to work on. I think it is important to list both as that shows true self-awareness (personal opinion).

Keep in mind while reading my examples that these are present-day examples and characteristics I have developed over time with commitment, determination, and stubbornness. My list looked far different in the beginning. The importance is to be brutally honest with yourself and then use kindness to improve.

Personal examples:

1. I do not allow others to skew my reality for the benefit of their own. I expect others to hold themselves accountable just as I hold myself. If I make a mistake, I own it without beating myself up.

2. I do not join in on gossiping. If and when the conversation is turned to me, I consciously shift the conversation to the subject matter at hand, the underline problem not a particular person. And if that isn’t possible I point out that we all possess less than desirable traits and that I cannot speak to anyone else’s character defaults as I have my own to worry about.

3. A character default I used to have was overgeneralizing. I still struggle with this one a little but I’m not as attached to it as I once was. I used to be a pretty black/white thinker. It either is or it isn’t but I’ve grown to learn that depending on the circumstances things can be a little grey instead. This one requires that I work on broadening my view. And I do my best. I am still pretty much a yes or no person.

4. If asked, I tell the truth despite popular consensus or the possibility of hurt feelings. If not asked and there is a possibility it goes against the grain, I do my best to keep it to myself or withhold my opinion because that is all it is, my opinion. I work to keep the unsolicited advice to myself.

Those are a few examples of my mental character that I am proud of but continue to work on. A list of my morals would look like this:

1. I am compassionate, always

2. I am fair, always

3. I am not judgemental. As far as I am aware I am not, however, I do judge and to not sway myself with my own opinion, I work hard to shift my perspective to view each circumstance objectively.

4. I am on a continuous path of growth and I show my gratitude by encouraging others to do the same. I share my lessons with honesty and suggestion keeping one aspect in mind; kindness.

5. I mindfully aim to be patient. Previously, I considered myself impatient. I thought that was how I was and that was forever. I learned differently.

Feelings

Feelings are defined as an emotional state or reaction. Writing these down serves a purpose when you arrive at a crossroads or when processing. We aren’t going to list our feelings today because they are constantly changing in response to stimuli. However, having a list of feeling words written down to reference or as a key for tracking is a suggestion.

The important work in self-awareness and feelings is to align yourself with how you feel. Can you separate feeling from a given situation to make a decision? Are you capable of recognizing when your emotions are responsible for undesirable results? Can you identify when you are overreacting based on past experiences?

Feelings are a tricky subject. They can guide you to do good or land you in a bind. There is a delicate balance you should aim to achieve by allowing your feelings, acknowledging them yet not being controlled by them. Our feelings are valid but they should not be the driving force behind decision-making. Making decisions is a skill set not everyone is equipped with so it goes to note that the two can be a tragedy waiting to happen.

To be self-aware is to be conscious. This consciousness allows room for one to acknowledge yet not become what they are feeling.

Conclusion

Just as with all areas of self-improvement we can elaborate but learning the basics is the goal of this two-part series. Coming to understand our role in our evolution is critical for growth. It is a never-ending task but one well worth the effort.

Stay tuned for part two of the discussion where I expand on motive and desire. Until then create a list of the characteristics that need improving. Also, take the time to acknowledge how situations make you feel and focus on not allowing the feeling to determine your result. The two of these are a great starting point for becoming self-aware. You’ve gotta know where you come from to know where you are going. What better way than having a written record to reference when you reach the top?!?!

I hope you found this discussion informative. Let me know whatcha think in the comments. Are you new to self-improvement? How self-aware are you?

In Honor of Mental Health Awareness Month: My Experience

Here at Revenge of Eve we openly discuss mental health. While I am not a resource for maintaining mental health, I suffer from mental illness. I am not ashamed to have multiple diagnoses.

If you are interested, you can find my story here and here.

With May being Mental Health Awareness Month, I decided to discuss ways I get on with life, thriving despite my mental illness.

Creativity

If you’ve been around here for any length of time, you know I am an avid journal writer. I enjoy using my journal to write my daily activities, thoughts, and plans. I also like to explore my creativity using handmade journals. I am fortunate that my stationery obsession and paper craft hobby collide. Because of this I have many materials to choose from when I want to create.

I collect ephemera and add it to my handmade journals with memos to remind me of the activity or reference it’s origin. Documenting life this way helps me to slow down. Having the tactical items to look back on brings immense joy to my day.

Every Monday I draw cards from multiple decks to help guide my week. From these decks two are affirming and encouraging. You may be familiar with my drawings as I share them here with y’all! The series Monday Morning Mantra is a weekly drawing but a daily reference. I write each phrase, an affirmation and an encouragement, daily in my journal. I use the cards to guide my week. If I find myself struggling with negative thoughts or self-talk, I refer to the cards drawn. It is a practice that works wonders on my mindset 🤓

Self-Care

Believe it or not but journaling is an avenue of self-care. It is the number one way I tend to myself. While I journal I am mindful, present, and actively honoring my thoughts, ideas, and desires. Self-care is often sold as pampering oneself and while that can be considered self-care, there is far more work involved in caring for yourself. Through the years of learning to love myself I learned it takes some elbow grease but once you’ve loosened the years of excess, the gunk wipes away easily. Metaphorically speaking.

Journaling is part of my daily self-care routine. Other ways I take care of myself are by saying no when I cannot commit to something. Albeit whether it’s because I don’t want to or if I can’t, it doesn’t matter. Learning to say no without an explanation has made a positive impact on my life.

I typically do my own manicures and pedicures 1. because it saves money and 2. because I have been professionally trained to do so but recently I paid to enjoy the experience. I started a new job in November and as a reward for sticking it out I paid to have a natural manicure and a pedicure. It was the best $65 ($75 with tip) I’ve spent all year!!

Routine

Having a routine is important for our mental health. This isn’t to say that you can’t stray but having a guided timeline for your day is helpful for everyone’s mental stability.

My mental stability is provided by medication, however, having a rough timeline to follow plays a huge role. I wake at the same time, work the same hours, and go to bed about the same time every night. My coffee and food intake habits are sparse throughout the day. Same as other activities; journaling. Trying to balance those is enough to keep me afloat and productive. I try to limit my scrolling time. Some days are better than others.

Relationships

A huge factor of living with mental illness comes down to support. I receive support from my family. Not financial rather emotional. They challenge me, trust me, encourage me, and most importantly, they listen to me. It hasn’t always been this way though. Having a mood disorder and addictions aren’t the easiest variables to deal with. There have been many misunderstandings, wrong assumptions, and unknowingly, enabling. Luckily we pushed through the difficult times and came out on the other side.

Friendships are an important part on thriving with mental illness. Various forms of relationships can apply. You may have made friends via the internet or it can be a friend that you have in the physical world. Support is support and it can be shown through a variety of routes.

Medication

And last but not least; medication. Having bipolar 1 (rapid cycling) means I have elated and depressed moods that shift frequently. These highs and lows can reach dangerous levels when not medicated. Mania (high) often involves impulsivity, irritability, anger, and grandiose ideas. Whereas with depression comes suicidal ideation, oversleeping, overeating, and numbness. These are general symptoms and those I cope with the most.

My medication, when taken correctly, stabilizes the influx in moods. It gives me a baseline that I cannot achieve without it. The unfortunate side effects of my medication are hypoglycemia and I cannot spend time a lot of time in the sun. I am also prone to boredom and feeling flat. My passion for life is nonexistent. That is the worst side effect but it is something I cope with so that I can function as a member of society, ie: work 😒

So how about you? How do you thrive despite mental illness? Do you or someone you love struggle with mental illness?

Go Ahead. I Dare You

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It’s me Candace Lynne Revenge of Eve — It’s me!!

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That’s all. Thank you!

And I Get Back Up

Keep’n On

Back in the Saddle

I fell off the proverbial horse. I relapsed in confidence. I back-tracked into self-doubt. I am an easy target for my bullshit and have been my own worst enemy my entire life. But this struggle I conquered. I have. And I refuse to stay stuck in this wake of comparison!

I am fallible. A newcomer to genuine self-love. Each day I remind myself that I am worthy but some days, I fail miserably. I am prone to comparison yet deep down I know I am unique. No better or no less than anyone else. However, this massive feat I wrestled to overcome sometimes rears its ugly head and gets the best of me. Fortunately, I can see it for what it is but it isn’t always transparent.

Recently I got down on myself for not generating an income with my blog. I went as far as to label it hobby blog as though that is a tragedy. It isn’t and I do apologize if I offended anyone who runs one. I am fully aware of why I do not generate an income. And I am ok with the obvious, most days. I regret having published a post that seemed ungrateful. That is the furthest from the truth but sadly my fears blinded me from those truths.

I am super proud of my little space on the internet. It’s mine. I am a self-taught blogger who despite my low self-esteem is impressed that I have almost five years of blogging under my belt. Sure, I’ve ventured into territories that were too big for my britches but I didn’t quit. I’ve changed things up a few times. Doing so taught me valuable lessons. My blog makes me feel brave in many ways. And pride on most days.

It is of utmost importance that I recognize my setback so that I can move on. I continue to battle with perfectionism although I know such doesn’t exist. These old pesky ways dominated me for nearly 42 years and the grip is unrelenting yet once I become aware I am hostage, I can loosen the grip with gentleness.

For days following my post, I beat myself up. How could I be so ungrateful when the opposite is true? How did it slip through my radar? The how’s and why’s flooded my days until I acknowledged it as a mistake. A simple mistake. A setback in my recovery. That’s all. Nothing irreversible, permanent, or damaging, although it may have caused a few readers to question why they bother reading my posts 😒

I wasn’t sure how to approach the situation. I wanted to offer an apology to my readers for sounding ungrateful but that didn’t feel right. So I went with my gut and I showed up just as you’ve read; authentic. More importantly, with compassion for myself. I am learning. Like a newborn learning to crawl, I am loving myself, accepting my shortcomings, and putting one knee in front of the other.

I send tons of love out to every one of you who reads this. I love me too. Lots I attribute to learning from you. If you have been around here for a while, thank you for seeing me through. And if you are new, welcome to my humble, intimate space. Thanks for the support along this journey life I find myself on ❤️

Tag: #aboutme