7.22.19

Tonight I will lay my head for sleep in peace. I have shown acts of kindness that I once thought I was robbed of. I allowed someones emergency to be more important than mine and most importantly, I have been kind to myself. Nervous. But kind.

Coming into oneself isn’t done so without a battle. You have to fight for who you know you are or have the potential to be. Don’t allow someone to project their fears onto you. That is not you. That is them. And never shame yourself for the choices you have made. You made those because simply those were the best choice of your options.

Continue to be kind to yourself Candace Lynne. You have a lot to offer.

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Today

Sunny Skies

The heat in Louisiana contributes to or is the root of, my SAD (seasonal affective disorder). Despite the temperature of 95 degrees, I dread August, I feel the most like myself today, than I have in three months. That’s a lovely feeling.

I appreciate days like today because I hold onto them. I know there is a way to a better position in life and I hope to achieve that within myself. The battle with me must cease soon because it no longer serves a purpose. It’s time I live to love and relax and stop. Pause. That was one of my words for entering 2019 and I’ve derailed but slowly I shall revive myself from the numbness. As only I can.

I give myself permission to lay in bed for the rest of the day and watch a movie or documentary – like I have done the past two days – without feeling guilty!!!

Catch ya on the flip side

Drowning, Differently

Do Different!

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results. And so…, today, I did different. Not – I wanted to do different but I DID differently.

Having a morning routine is something I have wanted to give a go for about a year now and this morning, I had a tech-free morning that included writing my thoughts, indexing my day, and meditating. How amazing is that?!?!

Last night we had a total solar eclipse and it was a new moon. Tapping into my “energy life”, I have researched the energy of the moon. From as long as I can remember, I have been drawn to the night sky. The moon and stars heal my being like the ocean does for some. Give me a blanket, surrounded by trees and a sky lit with the moon and stars and I am a happy girl. I figure there has to be more to it than that and so I Googled.

I have kept pretty quiet about my findings because I’m not particularly looking for opinions on the matter but I must say, me and the moon…we are close pals. I have now done a full moon ritual (last month) and last night I did my first new moon ritual. No, it isn’t witchcraft. It involves setting intentions and releasing things that no longer serve you – oh, and using sage to clear the air.

I drop that tidbit of info because it is something new I am doing and what’s the point in introducing new into my life if my routines and daily habits remain the same?? I’ll answer that for you – there is no point!!

Whatever it is that you do or believe or…yeah, whatever you do…it is the intention behind what you are doing and the follow up behind the intention that makes the difference. And allow you to claim your sanity as a bonus.

Today felt significantly lighter for me. I realize I have been quiet lately and I even skipped out on S.Y.K. this week, my apologies. To ease any worries, it is because I am processing a ton of…well, bullshit. Bullshit that I do not have a clue of what exactly it is I am dealing with. This phase has been difficult but I am trying my damnedest to respond kindly to myself – even if all that is, is tears, lots and lots of tears. I thought I was emerging but I am afraid I am barely hanging on some days. I am experiencing changes that I didn’t prepare for and even more weird, I don’t even know what changes I am talking about BUT I do know some things are changing within me and around me.

I know this too shall pass and I suppose it is the immediate gratification receptors that want it to pass now but I also know good things take time. I feel as though this transition began in 2017 and I am working diligently for things to smooth out. All I have is time. As much as I know all of this, I feel as though I am drowning, differently.

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Published a day after written