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How Self-Aware Are You? Part 1

Please bear with me as I switch up my original format. Today’s post is meant to assist others in self-evaluation motivated by my personal experience. I am not a professional and the following advice is not a substitute for licensed opinion.

Today’s topic is an important one in the realm of self-improvement. Stepping up to the plate and acknowledging our behaviors takes courage. But bravery alone doesn’t get the job done. It takes work. That work begins with self-awareness. It is an ongoing process with reward. Before we dive into the most important aspect of growth, let’s define what it means.

Seld awareness graphic

Self-awareness is the conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motive, and desire.

A simple definition with loads of personal responsibility. Let’s elaborate and break it on down, shall we?

In life we learn there is only one thing we can control and that is our reaction to situations. In order to obtain that control one must be aware of their own feelings. For a semblance of order dispersed across the board, one needs to be aligned with their motives and desires.

True intentions come with a bagful of surprises if we aren’t aware of why our outcomes aren’t what we expected.

Desire is the motivator of intention. It is the driving force masked behind the action. It is important to evaluate this definition because while it’s simply read, it packs a punch. And if you are at the beginning of a self-improvement journey, it’s vital that it begins with the knowledge of your responsibility in the process.

Life is a journey, not a destination

Ralf Waldo Emerson

Are You Ready to Start the Work? Good because that’s the first step!


Let’s get out a notebook (or your journal) and start putting things down. The process of actual handwriting and creating lists makes us 40% more likely to remember the content. This is some important work we are embarking on so we’ll take all the backup we can get!! So grab your pen and paper, I’ll wait 😉

Define Your Character

Character is defined as the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual. What qualities do you consider unique to yourself? This doesn’t mean that others don’t share certain qualities it just means that these are guidelines that govern you. These are things that you stand by, your definite, your no-go’s. Get specific. These can be characteristics that you are proud of or a list of characteristics you want to work on. I think it is important to list both as that shows true self-awareness (personal opinion).

Keep in mind while reading my examples that these are present-day examples and characteristics I have developed over time with commitment, determination, and stubbornness. My list looked far different in the beginning. The importance is to be brutally honest with yourself and then use kindness to improve.

Personal examples:

1. I do not allow others to skew my reality for the benefit of their own. I expect others to hold themselves accountable just as I hold myself. If I make a mistake, I own it without beating myself up.

2. I do not join in on gossiping. If and when the conversation is turned to me, I consciously shift the conversation to the subject matter at hand, the underline problem not a particular person. And if that isn’t possible I point out that we all possess less than desirable traits and that I cannot speak to anyone else’s character defaults as I have my own to worry about.

3. A character default I used to have was overgeneralizing. I still struggle with this one a little but I’m not as attached to it as I once was. I used to be a pretty black/white thinker. It either is or it isn’t but I’ve grown to learn that depending on the circumstances things can be a little grey instead. This one requires that I work on broadening my view. And I do my best. I am still pretty much a yes or no person.

4. If asked, I tell the truth despite popular consensus or the possibility of hurt feelings. If not asked and there is a possibility it goes against the grain, I do my best to keep it to myself or withhold my opinion because that is all it is, my opinion. I work to keep the unsolicited advice to myself.

Those are a few examples of my mental character that I am proud of but continue to work on. A list of my morals would look like this:

1. I am compassionate, always

2. I am fair, always

3. I am not judgemental. As far as I am aware I am not, however, I do judge and to not sway myself with my own opinion, I work hard to shift my perspective to view each circumstance objectively.

4. I am on a continuous path of growth and I show my gratitude by encouraging others to do the same. I share my lessons with honesty and suggestion keeping one aspect in mind; kindness.

5. I mindfully aim to be patient. Previously, I considered myself impatient. I thought that was how I was and that was forever. I learned differently.

Baby's breath graphic


Feelings are defined as an emotional state or reaction. Writing these down serves a purpose when you arrive at a crossroads or when processing. We aren’t going to list our feelings today because they are constantly changing in response to stimuli. However, having a list of feeling words written down to reference or as a key for tracking is a suggestion.

The important work in self-awareness and feelings is to align yourself with how you feel. Can you separate feeling from a given situation to make a decision? Are you capable of recognizing when your emotions are responsible for undesirable results? Can you identify when you are overreacting based on past experiences?

Feelings are a tricky subject. They can guide you to do good or land you in a bind. There is a delicate balance you should aim to achieve by allowing your feelings, acknowledging them yet not being controlled by them. Our feelings are valid but they should not be the driving force behind decision-making. Making decisions is a skill set not everyone is equipped with so it goes to note that the two can be a tragedy waiting to happen.

To be self-aware is to be conscious. This consciousness allows room for one to acknowledge yet not become what they are feeling.


Just as with all areas of self-improvement we can elaborate but learning the basics is the goal of this two-part series. Coming to understand our role in our evolution is critical for growth. It is a never-ending task but one well worth the effort.

Stay tuned for part two of the discussion where I expand on motive and desire. Until then create a list of the characteristics that need improving. Also, take the time to acknowledge how situations make you feel and focus on not allowing the feeling to determine your result. The two of these are a great starting point for becoming self-aware. You’ve gotta know where you come from to know where you are going. What better way than having a written record to reference when you reach the top?!?!

I hope you found this discussion informative. Let me know whatcha think in the comments. Are you new to self-improvement? How self-aware are you?


7 Things I’ve Learned in 7 Years of Sobriety

7 years sober!

Typing that seems surreal. For the seventh anniversary of my sobriety I thought I would conjure a nifty list that may help those new to sobriety. Below you will find seven things I’ve learned in seven years of sobriety.

For clarity sake, when I say alcoholic that includes drug addicts too. Alcohol is a drug. Vice versa.

Live life on life’s terms

This is said throughout the sober community as a way of expressing the acceptance of loss of control. The reality is our control is limited and sparse. Living life on life’s terms is a cliche way of saying accept what you cannot control.

The desire fades

The desire to use or drink fades with time. This isn’t to say that there will not be difficult days full of triggers rather the more time away from your substance of choice, the less you will have cravings.

The world continues to turn

Unfortunately just because we quit drinking doesn’t mean that anyone else will. The reality is there will be people you will come into contact with who will not understand your allergy to alcohol. Same with the sell of alcohol. It will continue in the form of advertising, sports viewing events, and bbq’s.

This too shall pass

The agony of a sober life will lessen as you continue on your journey. The resentments will be resolved, the regrets fade, and genuine apologies are accepted. The pain of your drunken actions will soon be a distant memory.

One is never enough

It’s simple. Keep it that way.

A drink/drug is never the answer

You end up where you were when you left off. Period. It isn’t fun. Not for an alcoholic.

Normal is boring


If you are new to sobriety, congrats! It gets less painful, I promise. Keep your head up. And most importantly, keep it simple. Thank you to all of you for your continued support along my journey. Without it I wouldn’t have made it this far.

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I Am


A creator seeking her avenue of creation

An educator sought after knowledge

A mother desperate to stop time

A leader battling self

A writer documenting life

A student living wisely

An addict thirsty for dopamine

An alcoholic in sobriety

A lover surviving in a world of hate

All of these oxymorons beneath the surface compound

making the me that you see

A caged animal dying to live freely

About Me: the Weird Stuff (this will be fun)

I was recently given kudos for the contents of this post by a new follower, shout-out Rochdalestu, so I figured while I am updating it, I may as well repost it for any other new followers of R.O.E.. If any of you are curious about the blogger behind the scenes, this is a personal as it gets!! Enjoy.

I am going to spice things up around here and share a few annoying, weird…simply Candace traits that make me…well, Candace 🙂 graphic
It’s me!
Stay Tuned for the next episode: According to Others! …oh, no…wait a minute!! I quit giving a fuck about what others think of me a long time ago 🙂 Carry on.


1. Before I can even begin to complete an idea, I am on to the next episode of it (Perfect example above). And apparently, life plays like a movie reel in my mind. CUT?! If I remember my dreams they usually end with To Be Continued… just like some television shows used to do.

Dog Dialogue

2. At home, we have four small dogs. A toy Maltese, J baby, a terrier, Ruger, a pom, Remi, and last but not least, Tater, our pound pup. It sounds like a lot but all of them together equal two dogs so it’s not so bad. The best part, none of them shed. Oh, yeah…dog dialogue. I spend a lot of time at home and it’s usually just me and the dogs – chill’n. The majority of my life I have created voices for our animals and boy do these four have a lot to say!! It has become a running joke that the dogs and I are Paw Patrol. We give out citations for my sister’s all-nighters, leaving me with her two fur babies and their kennels – we call jail. 😂 I know, I know…what a life but if you can’t entertain yourself, no one can.

Coffee Calls

3. Roughly two years ago, I picked up drinking coffee. I have two cups in the morning and two in the evening, around 4 pm. I have always enjoyed the flavor of the warm, sugary goodness but my preference leaned more toward ice coffee. I wasn’t an everyday drinker by any means. Well, one day I decided, what the hell, what’s one more addiction?!? I had a cup of hot coffee and haven’t looked back. It is likely I quit drinking it on the daily though because I do not want to stain my pearly whites.

Nobody puts Candace in the Closet

4. I am severely claustrophobic. No small spaces!! I cannot do small spaces. I prefer rooms with more than one exit. I am so claustrophobic that it is the source of much of my anxiety. A few examples being…if I share a bed with someone, I cannot sleep facing toward them. It feels like they steal my breath. When I sleep, I have to fold the corner of my pillow under so it doesn’t swallow my face and suffocate me. If someone stands to close to me in line at the store, I have to step to the side of the line. My heart races and I feel as though I am being pushed with nowhere to go. And don’t you dare think pinning me down for a game of tickle is ever a good idea. In such a case, you are likely to lose a limb. And my fave, do not call me rude because I do not want to hug. Please. I understand that is some people’s way of exhibiting their admiration for you but it makes me extremely uncomfortable because again, face to face breathing, chests touching and I don’t even really know who you are…no. Just please, no. A handshake or dap works for me or if you are ancient, a high five will do.


5. Resting bitch face is real. When I feel anxious, which is the majority of the time, I hold my breath. I am sure this contributes to the claustrophobia but nonetheless, I hold my breath. This leaves me no little time to worry about how my face looks (typing that was weird). I am also a mouth breather and in order for me not to walk around, mouth agape, I must focus on the in through your nose, out through your mouth breathing technique or else I’ll turn blue (really, not really). I’ve had the habit of holding my breath my whole life. Growing up I often held my breath to get what I wanted. If Ma said no, I would hold my breath until I got it. That is until one day our neighbor came over and popped my mouth which made me gasp for air. She saw that my mother was struggling with me and my breath-holding tactic and decided she could take no more. She popped my mouth and just like that, I was forced to breathe. My Ma said I gave that woman go to hell look each time I saw her after that and never spoke to her again. I was three, y’all. Three.


6. It’s true, I sniff most everything. For some odd reason, I have to smell almost everything. But the tragic thing about being a mouth breather is if it is a bad smell, I taste it before I smell it – ewe is right. I guess I use my sniffer as a memory tool. I will smell the oddest of things but my favorites are magazine pages, freshly sharpened wood pencils, laundry detergent, lemon, and bleach. I like the smell of markers but since I picked up coffee, I decided I’d leave the markers alone 😂😂

Candace. Not Candy.

7. Candy is sweet. I am not. Yes, I can be a sweet, caring person but my name is not Candy. Nothing is worse than introducing yourself just to have the person rename you. I get it, some people shorten their name and go by a nickname. Cute. But if I introduce myself as Candace, I want to be called Candace, damn it. Not Candy.

Always Right

8. If I speak about a topic it’s because I know about it. The saying she’s always right applies to me when I speak – hear me out – I only speak if I can add value to the conversation. No, I am not perfect or a know-it-all but I was born with an underline intelligence as my gift. That sounds cocky but it is something I’ve always been told. It isn’t in every subject, only those that interest me and I use my intelligence to correct others when they are wrong. Not to humiliate them rather inform them. That isn’t to say that I haven’t crushed a few egos with my witchy charismatic intelligence but it’s not always my intentions. If I decide I want to learn about a subject, I can read a little about it and somehow unfold the rest of the information on my own. That to me is common sense. As far as “common sense” goes, I have none. None. I do not get jokes, I do not entertain small talk or gossip, and if I were stuck in a brown paper bag, that’s where you’ll find me the next morning!! Don’t argue with me either because I will argue with a wall.

Tall. Not Big.

9. There is a difference. As a woman, the last adjective I want to be used to describe me is big. I’m almost positive this minuscule aggravation was picked up from hearing my Ma say, she’s tall, not big, my whole life, however, tis is true. I am tall, 5 foot 10 inches to be exact. I am not big. My build is considered a medium build with broad shoulders, big boobs and from the belly button down, I am small. Ya know, like a triangle 😂😂 My ankles and feet are so small that guys in high school used to ask me how your lil bitty feet hold ya body up Candace? Hahaha. If they had paid a lick of attention, they’d seen this size 7 doesn’t do so well 🙁 as I am prone to tipping over while standing still.

Contradicting Candace

10. Love/hate, angry/optimistic, excited/anxious, and too many others to mention. I have a love/hate relationship with about everything in life. I love people for what they don’t love about themselves. Often times this leads to them embracing said trait yet I hate strongly dislike how others feel as though it’s necessary to point out my shortcomings. I know where I lack. Believe me, I know. I am an empathetic person who doesn’t sympathize with anyone. People do not surprise nor impress me. I do not trust a single soul. No, not one. Not even myself. But if I trust you enough to allow you in my life, I have a tendency to overshare which has resulted in ammunition for when we fell out. Doesn’t bother me though because I am an open book. Some things sting but most, I don’t give too much time to. If I ask your opinion, I want an honest answer. If I don’t ask your opinion, I don’t want it. It’s as simple as that. Depending on the day, you could be told about yourself for sharing your unsolicited opinion or we could have an in-depth convo about it. Ya never know with me. They say this is common in the personality type I’ve tested to be, an INTJ. If you click on that link you’ll discover that I am of the rarest personality type there is. Oh, it’s just wonderful being me. Ugh!!!! My personality type represents only 4% of the population which can only mean one thing…I will be misunderstood for the rest of my life😣 Yay. Fuck’n yay.

And as promised…my rbf graphic
RBF. It’s real!

It’s always been said that if you want my honest opinion, tell me or ask me when we are together because my face will tell all. I speak with my eyes and if I don’t look at you, I don’t entertain your type. Some say snobby, I say selective. And you know what I said about when I speak 😉😂 (reference #8)

For Kicks

(and because I don’t do even numbers)

11. Chatty Candace. I can always be heard “talking to myself”. I call it thinking out loud but I do indeed speak aloud while I am the only one in the room. Doing so helps me walk through steps, focus, and I just do. My MommyGee would have legit conversations with herself. I can picture her now standing in her huge walk-in closet justa chatt’n it up and she’d be the only one in there…well, except for me hanging upside down from her velvet mauve/pink chaise lounge asking her who she is talk’n too. 🙂 I love you Mable and miss you dearly.

How ’bout you? Do you have eleven interesting things that you can share about your weirdness with us??? Come on now! The cool kids are do’n it.

Hey, but really if you do, backlink and invite others.

I tag Ashley from Mental Health @ Home. And, duh.. a huge shout out to Ash for being amazing!! She sets the stage by example. No bullshit. It is what it is and I think she may represent that #lowlife too 🙂 You make me proud Ashley.

P.S. I am not turning R.O.E. into a gallery of selfies. I promise. #noworries

Back in the Saddle?

Every Morning a New Beginning

It is often said that we can begin anew with every sunrise.

Do you believe this to be true?

I can’t say for certain if I do but I can say that I miss writing. It is the most favorite of hobbies that I pursue

yet long past due.

As I scroll through the reader feed I admire those bloggers who push through. I recall a time when I did too.

Back to Blogging Basics

1. Just do it!

2. Share your words.

3. Be you. You are enough!

4. There is no need to set expectations.

5. Start where you are.

6. Do not look to the time that has past.

7. Engage with the community.

8. Do not apologize for your absence.

9. Support the bloggers who support you.

10. JUST DO IT!!!

Pump Yourself Up, Candace!

Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we are rockstars no matter what the voice in our head says. Sometimes it requires us to pump ourselves up with encouraging words, relevant reminders, and simple truths.

Once you have fallen off the proverbial blogging horse, it is difficult as hell to saddle ‘er up again. The challenge in blogging comes in the form of consistent communication. Once upon four years ago, I thought what I had to say had value but I realize I just had a lot of time on my hands. Ironically, I still have time on my hands yet not the umpth to produce worthy content.

The truth of the matter is I no longer make my hobby my priority. I continue to put my favorite outlet on the back burner. When I see other blogs thriving I feel a bit envious which isn’t of my character. I have faith that this year long break will soon subside.


Life is still happening for me and sometimes at a snail’s pace. I want to share the slime yet by time I find the words, the slime has hardened. No longer relevant to my current status. I suppose my blog doesn’t have to be up to date but I prefer it that way.

I did not intend to write a whiny post. Please forgive the annoying-ness that concludes my encouraging post. Lol. A walking contradiction I am.

Oh, yeah … it’s been snowing/sleeting in Louisiana for five days now. If that isn’t proof the world is coming to an end, I don’t know what is. I just hope before it does, I feel the sunshine on my face, my bare feet on the grass, and a hug from my daughter, would be nice.

Revenge of Eve signature




Now that I titled my post Discipline, it is imperative that I acknowledge this as exactly what I lack. Have always lacked. There. I said it. Ugh!! *as I air kick – my infamous brat gesture*

The concept of discipline, I understand. The results, rewarding. I get it. Decades ago, prior to the birth of my child and until she was 10 (she turns 19 in February), I were regimented. From fourth grade and throughout my first three years of college, I trained in dance. I received a, paid in full tuition; including books, scholarship. So … I am familiar with adhering to a strict schedule.

In February of 2002, I traded in my dance shoes for mom sandels. Instinctively, I knew the importance routine plays, in the life of a child. I found our groove and we stuck to it until my “functional” addiction broke loose and wrecked havoc on our robotic life. The last shred of disciplined evidence can be traced back to 2012-2013, thanks to my one year stint(s) in and out of inpatient rehab *sigh*.

The difference between then and now is motivation. Dance was introduced at such a young age that I considered it part of my life. I belonged to competition teams therein lie the motivator. Free college for doing what I love?!?! Sure. Motivation. Then of course, my daughter. Someone who relied on me for everything. I wouldn’t change it for the world, although, short lived.

I find myself in a which came first scenerio; the chicken or the egg? Is motivation a requirement for discipline or are the results of discipline the motivator?

I try to wrap my mind around forcing myself to do something when I do not want to but dare I say that ship sunk to the ocean floor? My only child works two jobs (her choice and strongly discouraged against), attends college full time and my dancing days, I save for my living room. Self-motivated isn’t an adjective I use to describe myself.

Same Problem Everyday

Once again my problem is solved with the ever elusive balance many obtain and I seek. Psst. Like … Whatever! 😬

… Nonetheless persistence prevails a priceless achievement!! I bet you never guessed I would conclude with an accomplishment, did ya?!?! Well surprise, surprise! After a solid year of organizing, reorganizing, combining, avoiding, stashing, and trashing, I have finally created an inspiring, orderly home studio!!! My most proud aspect is the probability for productivity. The set up is actually that; a purposeful arrangement.

By no means is it easy to conquer a room dominated by paper, stocked to the brim with the necessary tools to operate an at home craft business but … I did it!!

My accumulation of tools and supplies piled on layers to a sense of defeat that encompassed me yet without a systematic approach, I am doomed to flop. So … I constructed a plan, kept it to myself despite how it appeared and I began.

I quit adding to my stash and began collecting organization containers that suited my needs. While I had plenty of Instagram worthy display containers, I fell short on shelving. By the same token, glass isn’t what I consider to be functional, in terms of stow away organization. Easy on the eyes, yes, but limited on actual storage of.

Begin with what you know!

By beginning with the knowledge that I require a few sizable containers, for 12×12 papers as well as vintage magazines which are taller yet more narrow, I established a starting point.

Purchased from Wal-Mart

The flat storage containers that slide under the bed made the cut. I purchased four of this style with the handle clasp lid closure. Savings tip: Purchase containers in this size in August. It is the time of year for sending young adults off to college and all of the sturdy Rubbermaid products go on sale. You’re welcome 🤭

Staying with my black and white asthetic, I took advantage of this yearly sale (the cash in my pocket helped) and purchased two large file baskets. They are plastic and sturdy for $6.00 (each). FYI: I am a budget shopper, however, I do not sacrifice quality where it is necessary.

Plastic file box

Learning to be gentle with myself

This gave me the momentum to begin. Then I hit a mental road block. Complete and utter overwhelm. I couldn’t enter the room. By this point I felt ungrateful and consumed with self-doubt for not being able to create amongst the chaos that was. After several failed attempts, I called in backup aka my Ma ❤️ She came through like a sargent. She knows how to handle me 😂😳. I “yes ma’am” -d my way through for the sake of my sanity and dignity. I’ll be the first to admit that I need help every so often and maybe I need it more often than others and that is okay. Progress is progress.

Over months time I purchased small, medium, and large clear plastic refrigerator trays, ten in total. Every so often I would purchase one or two while on sale at the dollar store or grab some when I had a few extra dollars from Walmart. They make perfect project bins. My final purchases came from the Dollar Tree. These were spontaneous purchases. The style and size are perfect but the quality lacks. My vision was to store 6×6 paper pads and small cardstock. The design aspect that appeals to me is the carrying capability which these totes offer, however, they are more suitable for lightweight items. I adore the concept and the price point, unbeatable. I will utilize them just not how I imagined.

Dollar Tree tote

Moral of the Story

I am super proud of myself for tackling this feat. Could it have been accomplished in less than a year? Sure. But I doubt to my satisfaction.

Life in 2020 changed me. I will say for the better. It exposed my ugly. It strengthened my soul. A gentle side resurfaced. A part of me I wasn’t sure I’d ever reach again. The results being a more forgiving version of myself. This post is proof. Forgiveness is about oneself. It is easy, habitual realistically, for me to be extra critical on myself. But today, I am mindful that I too deserve forgiveness.

Personal insight alert

Roughly 14 years ago I got a tattoo on my left collar bone. It is backwards so it reads correctly in the mirror. It says forgive. I would be lying if I said I see it or if I knew the weight of it’s positioning, meaning, and depth when I got it. Ironic? Perhaps not.

Happy Holidays, Y’all ❤️

Never Have I …

Hmmm …🤔

Evading & Elusive Narrative
















Never have I been … referred to as any of the above. I’ll take that as a compliment 😉

Wellll, Hey!! How tha hell ‘r ya?

my WordPress peeps, pals, compadres, confidants … 😂🤣 Enough already!?

Long time no correspondence.!??!. Although my presence is in the shadows, I am aghast by the frequency in which y’all stay on my mind.

Like, seriously.

Reflecting on my life there is one constant – I torture myself. My thoughts haunt me. Despicable hate words spoken by others, ruminate, penetrating my soul. … That got deep without my realizing it… Sheesh.

As I was saying, (kinda) … My absence from my writer’s life pains me with each eye blink. It is agony yet; why? Why do I run from my artistic medium? No. I am not an author. No. I do not have my doctrine. But, I am a writer. That’s what I do. Or do I? Better yet, why the fuck don’t I? It’s misery in this brain with words-on-a-loop, quick-witt one liners, and dry, sarcastic realities our society accepts at face value.

Forgive me if I lost you but perhaps you caught a glimmer of the patterns of thought that merri-go-round in my brain. I want a refund!!!🤣

I crave a space to vent. I secured my own nook of the web July 15, 2017 and I chose to not hang out here because, lets be honest, it is a choice. In fact, I tried to purchase a different domain name through my Word Press account (it’s a surprise), and it ended up paying my domain name off until 2022. But not the correct domain name. Once I noticed it extended Revenge of Eve an additional year, I immediately requested a refund, to which I received … Of course, it couldn’t be as simple as just that … Now I seem to have lost the domain or the direction of the domain, Revenge of Eve.!! I can’t find the patience to even contact Word Press to resolve the matter. Cue *instant sounding alarm bells* Or one can imagine considering the pride I hold held in my self-taught blogging life.

Meh. Murrr. Blah. Blee. Blurrr.

My freak out moment hasn’t occurred only because I have a receipt, proof of payment until like … Ummm … Mid-2021. 🤔 Further investigation will be necessary. Losing my domain name is an unsettling thought and a motivator.

Little by little I am regaining the wherewithal to link words together to form sentences. I will fight the chains of silence until my last breath. Will any of it add value to another? Maybe. Maybe not but it damn sure helps me.