#alcoholic – Revenge of Eve

In Honor of Mental Health Awareness Month: My Experience

Here at Revenge of Eve we openly discuss mental health. While I am not a resource for maintaining mental health, I suffer from mental illness. I am not ashamed to have multiple diagnoses.

If you are interested, you can find my story here and here.

With May being Mental Health Awareness Month, I decided to discuss ways I get on with life, thriving despite my mental illness.

Creativity

If you’ve been around here for any length of time, you know I am an avid journal writer. I enjoy using my journal to write my daily activities, thoughts, and plans. I also like to explore my creativity using handmade journals. I am fortunate that my stationery obsession and paper craft hobby collide. Because of this I have many materials to choose from when I want to create.

I collect ephemera and add it to my handmade journals with memos to remind me of the activity or reference it’s origin. Documenting life this way helps me to slow down. Having the tactical items to look back on brings immense joy to my day.

Every Monday I draw cards from multiple decks to help guide my week. From these decks two are affirming and encouraging. You may be familiar with my drawings as I share them here with y’all! The series Monday Morning Mantra is a weekly drawing but a daily reference. I write each phrase, an affirmation and an encouragement, daily in my journal. I use the cards to guide my week. If I find myself struggling with negative thoughts or self-talk, I refer to the cards drawn. It is a practice that works wonders on my mindset 🤓

Self-Care

Believe it or not but journaling is an avenue of self-care. It is the number one way I tend to myself. While I journal I am mindful, present, and actively honoring my thoughts, ideas, and desires. Self-care is often sold as pampering oneself and while that can be considered self-care, there is far more work involved in caring for yourself. Through the years of learning to love myself I learned it takes some elbow grease but once you’ve loosened the years of excess, the gunk wipes away easily. Metaphorically speaking.

Journaling is part of my daily self-care routine. Other ways I take care of myself are by saying no when I cannot commit to something. Albeit whether it’s because I don’t want to or if I can’t, it doesn’t matter. Learning to say no without an explanation has made a positive impact on my life.

I typically do my own manicures and pedicures 1. because it saves money and 2. because I have been professionally trained to do so but recently I paid to enjoy the experience. I started a new job in November and as a reward for sticking it out I paid to have a natural manicure and a pedicure. It was the best $65 ($75 with tip) I’ve spent all year!!

Routine

Having a routine is important for our mental health. This isn’t to say that you can’t stray but having a guided timeline for your day is helpful for everyone’s mental stability.

My mental stability is provided by medication, however, having a rough timeline to follow plays a huge role. I wake at the same time, work the same hours, and go to bed about the same time every night. My coffee and food intake habits are sparse throughout the day. Same as other activities; journaling. Trying to balance those is enough to keep me afloat and productive. I try to limit my scrolling time. Some days are better than others.

Relationships

A huge factor of living with mental illness comes down to support. I receive support from my family. Not financial rather emotional. They challenge me, trust me, encourage me, and most importantly, they listen to me. It hasn’t always been this way though. Having a mood disorder and addictions aren’t the easiest variables to deal with. There have been many misunderstandings, wrong assumptions, and unknowingly, enabling. Luckily we pushed through the difficult times and came out on the other side.

Friendships are an important part on thriving with mental illness. Various forms of relationships can apply. You may have made friends via the internet or it can be a friend that you have in the physical world. Support is support and it can be shown through a variety of routes.

Medication

And last but not least; medication. Having bipolar 1 (rapid cycling) means I have elated and depressed moods that shift frequently. These highs and lows can reach dangerous levels when not medicated. Mania (high) often involves impulsivity, irritability, anger, and grandiose ideas. Whereas with depression comes suicidal ideation, oversleeping, overeating, and numbness. These are general symptoms and those I cope with the most.

My medication, when taken correctly, stabilizes the influx in moods. It gives me a baseline that I cannot achieve without it. The unfortunate side effects of my medication are hypoglycemia and I cannot spend time a lot of time in the sun. I am also prone to boredom and feeling flat. My passion for life is nonexistent. That is the worst side effect but it is something I cope with so that I can function as a member of society, ie: work 😒

So how about you? How do you thrive despite mental illness? Do you or someone you love struggle with mental illness?

7 Things I’ve Learned in 7 Years of Sobriety

7 years sober!

Typing that seems surreal. For the seventh anniversary of my sobriety I thought I would conjure a nifty list that may help those new to sobriety. Below you will find seven things I’ve learned in seven years of sobriety.

For clarity sake, when I say alcoholic that includes drug addicts too. Alcohol is a drug. Vice versa.

Live life on life’s terms

This is said throughout the sober community as a way of expressing the acceptance of loss of control. The reality is our control is limited and sparse. Living life on life’s terms is a cliche way of saying accept what you cannot control.

The desire fades

The desire to use or drink fades with time. This isn’t to say that there will not be difficult days full of triggers rather the more time away from your substance of choice, the less you will have cravings.

The world continues to turn

Unfortunately just because we quit drinking doesn’t mean that anyone else will. The reality is there will be people you will come into contact with who will not understand your allergy to alcohol. Same with the sell of alcohol. It will continue in the form of advertising, sports viewing events, and bbq’s.

This too shall pass

The agony of a sober life will lessen as you continue on your journey. The resentments will be resolved, the regrets fade, and genuine apologies are accepted. The pain of your drunken actions will soon be a distant memory.

One is never enough

It’s simple. Keep it that way.

A drink/drug is never the answer

You end up where you were when you left off. Period. It isn’t fun. Not for an alcoholic.

Normal is boring

Basically.

If you are new to sobriety, congrats! It gets less painful, I promise. Keep your head up. And most importantly, keep it simple. Thank you to all of you for your continued support along my journey. Without it I wouldn’t have made it this far.

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I Am

😍

A creator seeking her avenue of creation

An educator sought after knowledge

A mother desperate to stop time

A leader battling self

A writer documenting life

A student living wisely

An addict thirsty for dopamine

An alcoholic in sobriety

A lover surviving in a world of hate

All of these oxymorons beneath the surface compound

making the me that you see

A caged animal dying to live freely

Happy Is… Or Is It?

A few thoughts as the year draws to a close.

Happily Grateful or Gratefully Happy

Today I woke full of gratitude. I’d say comparable to happiness. More often than not it seems success is attached to happiness. That feels to me like expectation or pressure. This ah-ha moment occurred following a reader’s comment.

A follower of mine questioned if depression is her muse which explained perfectly what I’ve struggled to link with my self-expression as a writer. In my earlier days of blogging, I confessed to feelings of guilt when I felt happy. I wouldn’t dare blog about being happy. To do so felt like bragging and if not that then acknowledging it would most definitely jinx it. It wasn’t until I began blogging I realized this about myself. Putting things out into the universe is different from keeping them to yourself.

My analog journals echo depression and sorrow. There are months in between entries. I assume days of contentment. Earlier days of R.O.E. didn’t look much different. Soooo… I set out to change the way I journal. I never intended my journaling to be a bitch-fest or for my blog to appear dismal but woe is so.

I decided I prefer my journals to reflect emotion. All emotions. The good, the bad, the ugly as they say. I knew instinctively if I were mindful to adjust my journal writing that in turn, my blog would evolve. I could then be more authentic and relatable. Not a one-and-done expression of emotion.

This remains a work in progress but there is noticeable progress!! I see it and I am acknowledging my growth as a writer/blogger 🤓 I am proud of this accomplishment. I suppose the correlation between gratitude and happiness is pride in myself and there is where I detect the most growth.

I am not a boastful person. Never have I been full of pride because shame cast a shadow blanketed with doubt. Yet as 2021 grows to its close, I am grateful to exist in a space I’ve battled to be in. An existence that facilitates growth and encourages adaptation, change. It’s a forgiving, fearless zone built on a foundation of boundaries without self-imposed restraint. I reward myself with recognition instead of seeking validation. If I struggle with conditioned behaviors, I am in a safe space to ask for assistance. Setting boundaries, freeing myself from a life lived in parental projected shame, and forgiving myself for self-limiting beliefs hasn’t made for the smoothest journey. A self-loathing war turned peaceful resolution isn’t something you typically read about.

Farewell 2021. Helllloooo 2022!

I do not make new year’s resolutions. I typically choose a word to guide my year, however, I can not recall any word, thought or goal heading into 2021 so no need to elaborate there.

Moving forward 🤓

2022 will be the year I focus on releasing attachments. 2020 wiped much of the material baggage away. 2021 detoxed my life from toxic beliefs. And 2022 is sure to free me. My transformation has taken time. Parts, painful. It challenged me in ways I can not put into words. I experienced delusion and mass confusion.

I survived, again except this time, I reward myself by acknowledging my endurance, allowing myself to be vulnerable, and standing up for myself, and to myself.

My transformation was lengthy and disorienting. I was perplexed. Ultimately, I arrived at the purpose being about my relationship with myself. I was challenged to seek within (All of this blows my mind btw). Something so simple took so long for me to decipher. While I don’t have it all figured out, I now at least have good orderly direction.

Holiday Thoughts

In less than 24 hours many Americans will gather around the table to feast. Trashcans will soon overflow with leftovers and I can’t help but think of the hungry in our country. I think of those in poverty or without family who will not share the same joyful, gluttonous holiday feels. If not tomorrow, then choose any day to feed someone in need. No one should ever go hungry. Open yourself up to the gift of giving. You will be sure to receive.

A side note; Happy Thanksgiving

L👀k’n Back

A glimpse back

Oh Lort! I looked back on posts from my beginning and lemme tell ya, things have changed!! My diagnosis’ even. I used to contribute to The Bipolar Writer Blog when I first began blogging. My poetry is on target but my experience … Wow how my perception of my illnesses has changed. Dramatically. I can’t say for certain that it was bad and is now better but I can say that I was more naive then and more realistic now. So. There’s that.

If you’ve been around R.O.E. for any length of time you will know that I’ve attempted to expand many times. I’ve also started from scratch a time or three and no longer have the beginnings of my blogging journey. Soooo neither have I expanded or kept a record of. Wha whaaa! Anywho I enjoyed seeking out some of my earlier, more green writing. My poetry impresses me considering the present moment. My creativity is non-existent.

Feel free to check out my earlier writing on The Bipolar Writer Blog. The easiest way to find my writing is to use the sites search icon. Type in Revenge of Eve and whalah, my posts appear 😊

Inspiration

Generally, I do not struggle with inspiration. If anything, I flourish with ideas. My cup overfloweth. Maybe that is why when my well is dry it is so unusual. I jump from creative project to creative project. This doesn’t bother me because to me art is layers. Layers of life compiled at the right time, on different days, and by natural positioning. When I accept my creative process as such, I am more often than not pleased with the results.

I am coming to realize the less I pressure myself to be a certain way, I am able to be that way. When I first began this post I was struggling to create yet now I am bouncing between posts and painting. Lol. Life is weird that way, isn’t it? One day a struggle and the next a success. Ok, back on track.

What types of things inspire you? Are you inspired by others or do objects that surround you inspire you?

I often wonder if our learning style impacts the way inspiration reaches us. I am a visual learner. I’ve noticed that being a visual learner affects my other senses, for instance, my hearing. I’ve found that if I cannot read your lips, it is difficult for me to hear what is being said. So… If I can’t see you, I can’t hear you. Is that odd? Lol. I think it’s a processing thing. Idk.

Mister (my boyfriend) surprised me with a gorgeous bouquet of fall flowers. There are purples, yellow, and orangish reds… Oh my, the cord those colors struck! (🤔That supports my visual learning/ inspiration theory)

Ah ha.

Well, that a wrap, folks. Nothing more to see here 🤓 I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend. Talk to y’all soon.

Xoxo, Candace

About Me: the Weird Stuff (this will be fun)

I was recently given kudos for the contents of this post by a new follower, shout-out Rochdalestu, so I figured while I am updating it, I may as well repost it for any other new followers of R.O.E.. If any of you are curious about the blogger behind the scenes, this is a personal as it gets!! Enjoy.

I am going to spice things up around here and share a few annoying, weird…simply Candace traits that make me…well, Candace 🙂

Stay Tuned for the next episode: According to Others! …oh, no…wait a minute!! I quit giving a fuck about what others think of me a long time ago 🙂 Carry on.

Squirrel

1. Before I can even begin to complete an idea, I am on to the next episode of it (Perfect example above). And apparently, life plays like a movie reel in my mind. CUT?! If I remember my dreams they usually end with To Be Continued… just like some television shows used to do.

Dog Dialogue

2. At home, we have four small dogs. A toy Maltese, J baby, a terrier, Ruger, a pom, Remi, and last but not least, Tater, our pound pup. It sounds like a lot but all of them together equal two dogs so it’s not so bad. The best part, none of them shed. Oh, yeah…dog dialogue. I spend a lot of time at home and it’s usually just me and the dogs – chill’n. The majority of my life I have created voices for our animals and boy do these four have a lot to say!! It has become a running joke that the dogs and I are Paw Patrol. We give out citations for my sister’s all-nighters, leaving me with her two fur babies and their kennels – we call jail. 😂 I know, I know…what a life but if you can’t entertain yourself, no one can.

Coffee Calls

3. Roughly two years ago, I picked up drinking coffee. I have two cups in the morning and two in the evening, around 4 pm. I have always enjoyed the flavor of the warm, sugary goodness but my preference leaned more toward ice coffee. I wasn’t an everyday drinker by any means. Well, one day I decided, what the hell, what’s one more addiction?!? I had a cup of hot coffee and haven’t looked back. It is likely I quit drinking it on the daily though because I do not want to stain my pearly whites.

Nobody puts Candace in the Closet

4. I am severely claustrophobic. No small spaces!! I cannot do small spaces. I prefer rooms with more than one exit. I am so claustrophobic that it is the source of much of my anxiety. A few examples being…if I share a bed with someone, I cannot sleep facing toward them. It feels like they steal my breath. When I sleep, I have to fold the corner of my pillow under so it doesn’t swallow my face and suffocate me. If someone stands to close to me in line at the store, I have to step to the side of the line. My heart races and I feel as though I am being pushed with nowhere to go. And don’t you dare think pinning me down for a game of tickle is ever a good idea. In such a case, you are likely to lose a limb. And my fave, do not call me rude because I do not want to hug. Please. I understand that is some people’s way of exhibiting their admiration for you but it makes me extremely uncomfortable because again, face to face breathing, chests touching and I don’t even really know who you are…no. Just please, no. A handshake or dap works for me or if you are ancient, a high five will do.

RBF

5. Resting bitch face is real. When I feel anxious, which is the majority of the time, I hold my breath. I am sure this contributes to the claustrophobia but nonetheless, I hold my breath. This leaves me no little time to worry about how my face looks (typing that was weird). I am also a mouth breather and in order for me not to walk around, mouth agape, I must focus on the in through your nose, out through your mouth breathing technique or else I’ll turn blue (really, not really). I’ve had the habit of holding my breath my whole life. Growing up I often held my breath to get what I wanted. If Ma said no, I would hold my breath until I got it. That is until one day our neighbor came over and popped my mouth which made me gasp for air. She saw that my mother was struggling with me and my breath-holding tactic and decided she could take no more. She popped my mouth and just like that, I was forced to breathe. My Ma said I gave that woman go to hell look each time I saw her after that and never spoke to her again. I was three, y’all. Three.

Sniffaurus

6. It’s true, I sniff most everything. For some odd reason, I have to smell almost everything. But the tragic thing about being a mouth breather is if it is a bad smell, I taste it before I smell it – ewe is right. I guess I use my sniffer as a memory tool. I will smell the oddest of things but my favorites are magazine pages, freshly sharpened wood pencils, laundry detergent, lemon, and bleach. I like the smell of markers but since I picked up coffee, I decided I’d leave the markers alone 😂😂

Candace. Not Candy.

7. Candy is sweet. I am not. Yes, I can be a sweet, caring person but my name is not Candy. Nothing is worse than introducing yourself just to have the person rename you. I get it, some people shorten their name and go by a nickname. Cute. But if I introduce myself as Candace, I want to be called Candace, damn it. Not Candy.

Always Right

8. If I speak about a topic it’s because I know about it. The saying she’s always right applies to me when I speak – hear me out – I only speak if I can add value to the conversation. No, I am not perfect or a know-it-all but I was born with an underline intelligence as my gift. That sounds cocky but it is something I’ve always been told. It isn’t in every subject, only those that interest me and I use my intelligence to correct others when they are wrong. Not to humiliate them rather inform them. That isn’t to say that I haven’t crushed a few egos with my ~~witchy~~ charismatic intelligence but it’s not ~~always~~ my intentions. If I decide I want to learn about a subject, I can read a little about it and somehow unfold the rest of the information on my own. That to me is common sense. As far as “common sense” goes, I have none. None. I do not get jokes, I do not entertain small talk or gossip, and if I were stuck in a brown paper bag, that’s where you’ll find me the next morning!! Don’t argue with me either because I will argue with a wall.

Tall. Not Big.

9. There is a difference. As a woman, the last adjective I want to be used to describe me is big. I’m almost positive this minuscule aggravation was picked up from hearing my Ma say, she’s tall, not big, my whole life, however, tis is true. I am tall, 5 foot 10 inches to be exact. I am not big. My build is considered a medium build with broad shoulders, big boobs and from the belly button down, I am small. Ya know, like a triangle 😂😂 My ankles and feet are so small that guys in high school used to ask me how your lil bitty feet hold ya body up Candace? Hahaha. If they had paid a lick of attention, they’d seen this size 7 doesn’t do so well 🙁 as I am prone to tipping over while standing still.

Contradicting Candace

10. Love/hate, angry/optimistic, excited/anxious, and too many others to mention. I have a love/hate relationship with about everything in life. I love people for what they don’t love about themselves. Often times this leads to them embracing said trait yet I ~~hate~~ strongly dislike how others feel as though it’s necessary to point out my shortcomings. I know where I lack. Believe me, I know. I am an empathetic person who doesn’t sympathize with anyone. People do not surprise nor impress me. I do not trust a single soul. No, not one. Not even myself. But if I trust you enough to allow you in my life, I have a tendency to overshare which has resulted in ammunition for when we fell out. Doesn’t bother me though because I am an open book. Some things sting but most, I don’t give too much time to. If I ask your opinion, I want an honest answer. If I don’t ask your opinion, I don’t want it. It’s as simple as that. Depending on the day, you could be told about yourself for sharing your unsolicited opinion or we could have an in-depth convo about it. Ya never know with me. They say this is common in the personality type I’ve tested to be, an INTJ. If you click on that link you’ll discover that I am of the rarest personality type there is. Oh, it’s just wonderful being me. Ugh!!!! My personality type represents only 4% of the population which can only mean one thing…I will be misunderstood for the rest of my life😣 Yay. Fuck’n yay.

And as promised…my rbf

It’s always been said that if you want my honest opinion, tell me or ask me when we are together because my face will tell all. I speak with my eyes and if I don’t look at you, I don’t entertain your type. Some say snobby, I say selective. And you know what I said about when I speak 😉😂 (reference #8)

For Kicks

(and because I don’t do even numbers)

11. Chatty Candace. I can always be heard “talking to myself”. I call it thinking out loud but I do indeed speak aloud while I am the only one in the room. Doing so helps me walk through steps, focus, and I just do. My MommyGee would have legit conversations with herself. I can picture her now standing in her huge walk-in closet justa chatt’n it up and she’d be the only one in there…well, except for me hanging upside down from her velvet mauve/pink chaise lounge asking her who she is talk’n too. 🙂 I love you Mable and miss you dearly.

How ’bout you? Do you have eleven interesting things that you can share about your weirdness with us??? Come on now! The cool kids are do’n it.

Hey, but really if you do, backlink and invite others.

I tag Ashley from Mental Health @ Home. And, duh.. a huge shout out to Ash for being amazing!! She sets the stage by example. No bullshit. It is what it is and I think she may represent that #lowlife too 🙂 You make me proud Ashley.

P.S. I am not turning R.O.E. into a gallery of selfies. I promise. #noworries

Dear Customer…

One of my all time favorite post. Definitely worth the repost.

Societal Observations

*scarcastic tone used the whole read*

This post has the tendency to get “mouthy”. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. If you get offended easily, read on. You need to read this tidbit of it isn’t personal boundary setting.

I am employed with a job in the lovely field that is customer service. Insert* the customer is not always right!

That statement was made by a lunatic!! People who say this fall in the category of society that look to take advantage of corporate USA or anyone with a publicly operating business.

Yea, I said it because guess what?? In my 20+ years experience of dealing with customers, they are still 100% human and guess what else? Humans make mistakes. The person serving you the food may have forgotten to say no mustard on your burger but that doesn’t make you right. To be “right” there must be an opposing opinion… I’ll stop there on that one.

Tip: If you have a bad experience when dealing with your customer service representative, you ask to speak with someone higher than them. Like a tax paying adult, you explain, not insult, not yell, your unpleasant experience. That is why they are there. From there, allow said higher human to resolve the issue according to their company’s policy. The actual goal is to satisfy the customer and filing a complaint gives the company the opportunity to fix it. And here is where that “customer is always right” loophole was created.

News flash!! People are assholes. There is no way in hell it should ever be ok for someone to say that because they are a customer, they are automatically right. Fuck off with that annoying statement.

Here is how it should look: Go eat, if things don’t go well, give feedback, sit nicely (and quietly), accept or negotiate your offer (remember like an adult), tip according to the service you received not based on your experience, and move the eff on people!!

**insider info: The company still gets paid if you eat for free but guess who doesn’t? The responsive middle man that catered to your every need without breaking a smile, they don’t. Businesses are operated on a ladder system. Don’t punish the man on the first step for a job not filled by the man on the fifth step.

Do Not Touch The Animals

Just because someone chooses to work with the masses does not give you permission to touch, pull, poke or grab them. And oh my God, please, do not whistle!!!

Does this happen often? Too often. Somewhere in life, we forget the simplest of tools taught in elementary school. Keep your hands to yourself. Simple. Period.

Just because you are a touchy-feely person does not mean the person who serves you alcoholic beverages is.

Tip: if the bartender walks from behind the bar to dump ashtrays, collect empty beer bottles, or even if they decide to hug someone else, Do. Not. Assume. it is ok for you to grab them and bear hug them.

We understand that liquor induces “love” but keep in mind in some it may provoke anger, in others tears and if you are lucky, someone’s afternoon lunch. The point is, respect other people’s personal, arm-length, 3-foot rule, distance space.

I imagine there to be an underground conspiracy against those of us who work in customer service that says if you want to get our attention, whistle, and we’ll come running. And whoever heads this theory must have worked with Pavlo and needs to die with this ridiculous notion. This study was done on dogs people!

What’s even better is the look on the whistler’s face when you turn around, look them dead in the eyes and when they begin to bark their request, you turn back around and walk away. Better yet, when you don’t even acknowledge them, the explanation they give trying to minimize the fact that they literally whistled at you. Excuse me? Did you just say you whistled at me??? Oh, I apologize, I was not taught to respond to the sound of a whistle.

We are at work, not on display

I get it, we all have a doppelganger but that doesn’t mean we want you to have a picture of us on your phone so you can show your cousin her twin. This is absurd. And so common that people will completely disregard verbal boundaries such as that makes me feel uncomfortable.

I am not shitting you. Scenario: husband and wife eating, wife goes to the restroom, the man says to me, “can I take your picture?”. I stand frozen thinking why???? Why me…again?? While I process how to deliver my verbal boundary, wife shows up. Yay! and walk away in silence. Returning to the table to retrieve the payment he asks once again if he can take my picture. The look on his wife’s face said it all!! WTF?? He proceeds to get her in agreement that Susy and I look identical as I search for the words, I’m sorry but I am not comfortable with that. As the words flow out of my mouth with pride, he raises his phone and snaps a picture.

And guess what? Looks at me like, well what do we do? Because he realizes what I was trying to say, nicely, was no.

First of all, customer service workers do not know you or your intentions. We do not owe you a picture because we share a similar face structure to that of your cousin. We owe you nothing. We are at work to provide a service for you that is governed by company policy and nowhere in the handbook does it say we must pose for a headshot. Go to Disney for that.

There are creeps out there folks. While Billy compares me to his cousin, his brother may have a sexual fetish for women with blue eyes… Who the fuck knows? Not me and if a request makes me feel uncomfortable, you should respect that!

And sir, what you should’ve done was delete that photo of me mid-sentence with my wide-eyed, how dare you face, immediately. In fact, it should have never been snapped.

Again, at work

As much as we enjoy standing around and chatting, we have duties that require our time as well as other customers to tend to. The best customers are those who we see frequently, ask about home life, remember your birthday, and compensate you for a job well done but many times these can be the worst customers. They demand extra time, they believe that five dollars is a good tip, no matter the price of the bill, on top of the order they just placed that is nowhere on our menu. They call it a special order, we call it annoying.

Once again, I’ll say it. Five dollars is decent if your tab is $20. As the price of your bill increase so does the tip. An easy way to remember how to tip is by multiplying the sales tax by 2, and the sum equals the tip total. Personally, I tip according to my service (not according to the food quality). Shitty service = shitty tip.

Tip: do not prepare your server by informing them in the beginning that you don’t have the money to tip. Solution: stay home and cook for your damn self. We are at work… To get paid. By no means whatsoever believe that a verbal tip is compensation for a monetary tip. Telling a food service employee that they were excellent does not feed their children.

Next time you see your favorite service industry worker, be observant of the atmosphere. Is it bustling with customers? Can you be a little less needy today?

There is more

These are not insensitive requests. Not everyone thinks along the same lines and for an introvert who hates to be touched many times my days are ruined by people who are inconsiderate or entitled. I could go on all day as I am sure those who are customer service or food industry service workers could but I will wrap it up with this last piece of advice.

I’m not sure if this happens a lot outside of the casino but in the casino, it is an insane assumption. If your bill total is $12.63, you pay $12.63. Period. So many people will leave without paying the coin change as if it is our responsibility to pay it.

We seriously had a customer the other day who was irate that we would not pay the 20¢ she owed. She said we should have a piggy bank for those customers who fall short on change. Really? Can you imagine if everyone were short 20¢? There are more than a million people that come and go throughout the year. If we gave each person ONE penny we would lose a million dollars.

Tip: pay your bill. All of it.

Some may say “Sounds like you shouldn’t work with people” and that’s not the case. I enjoy anticipating the needs of others and complimenting them. It makes me happy to be of service. I am good at what I do and if because I have boundaries is seen as I shouldn’t work with the public, perhaps it is you that needs to evaluate how you act in public.

I am speaking on these particular instances because they occur on a daily basis. Not all, but most and sometimes there is a day when they all happen. Those are fun. We are people just like you except we are doing the job you don’t or won’t do. Respect us as such. We are servers, not servants.

You would be appalled if I laid it all out on the table. Craziest of all, imo, is when they look at me like I am weird because I do not want a hug from a perfect stranger.

It’s ok for me to say no, right?!

It isn’t personal!!

This post isn’t to offend anyone but it is for some to open their eyes and evaluate what they expect from someone who is on the clock. The events discussed are true events. While this isn’t a debatable post, its data, I understand there are bad service industry workers so when you do encounter the unicorn, don’t deduct from their tip because they do not want a hug. How many hugs are you asked to give at your place of employment?

One last thing.

I would like to smash the idea that we spit on food. In my entire career, 20+ years, I have never seen it done.

Am I being a drama queen? Let me know