How Self-Aware Are You: Part 2

How Self-Aware Are You?

Motivation and Desire

Welcome back to the discussion about self-awareness: The most important aspect of self-improvement (IMO). The starting point of a rewarding yet emotional journey.

Find Part 1 here

In our previous discussion, we expanded on the definition of self-awareness. We explored character traits and feelings. Part 2 of this two-part series will dive into motive and desire. As a refresher let’s define self-awareness.

Self-awareness is the conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motive, and desire.

Motive

For reference sake, let’s define what motive is. According to Oxford Language, motive is a reason for doing something, especially one that is hidden or not obvious.

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Keep in mind that these topics can be interpreted a million ways. Both parts of this series are meant to be basic and a stepping stone to start your personal journey of improvement. Remember I am not a licensed therapist.

((Full disclosure: I lived sick in this area of my life more than I’ve not. I have grown significantly, however, my objective view on motive is skewed and underdeveloped…Soooo instead of wasting your time, I did some reading and this is what I gathered about motive 🤓))

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Guess what?? I suggest using pen and paper to list your motive(s)? Write em down. Next to it – be honest – write pro or con.

Princeton WordNet offers a more descriptive definition of motive. One that I align with.

the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal; the reason for the action; that which gives purpose and direction to behavior.

123test.com says this: motives are about what sets people in motion. For example, are you more interested in autonomy and individual freedom or is it power and status that drive you? The following motives are commonly distinguished:

1. Financial reward: importance one attaches to high income, materialism;
2. Power and influence: desire to be able to lead or influence other people and events;
3. Altruism: contributing to the bigger picture and making one’s own financial interests or other interests secondary to this;
4. Self-development: work in which there’s room to develop yourself further;
5. Creativity: coming up with new ideas or products, being actively involved in creation;
6. Social contacts: conviviality and friendship;
7. Autonomy: independence and being able to make decisions oneself;
8. Security: holding long-term security in high regard, e.g. pension, permanent income and one’s own house in which one can continue to live for a long time;
9. Status and prestige: impression or appearance is the more important motive, e.g. through money or a specialisation;
10. Variety: plenty of different types of work;
11. Structure: work that consists in set routines and tasks;
12. Influence: being able to determine what other people have to do and influencing decisions;
13. Work-life balance: work that fits in well with your personal life and ties in favourably with your free time;
14. Working conditions: nice workplace, nice building, nice location, favourable working conditions.

Use the above information to guide your list. I will do the same. Moving on.

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Desire

a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.

Forgive me as I work through this aloud. I’m afraid it is hard to differentiate between desire and motive. By definition, desire is a feeling whereas motive is a reason. Still, close, to me. And since this post is meant to be informational, I Googled it 😉

My Findings

Ironyoflife.com has this to say:

Desire and motivation are not the same thing. Desire is wanting to do something, but motivation is making it happen. You need a desire to have motivation, but you do not need motivation to have a desire.

“When we talk about our goals, we usually define them in terms of why they are our goals and how we’re going to achieve them. To describe them this way, we tend to use the words “motivation” and “desire” interchangeably.”

Yeah, what they said 😉

I strongly encourage you to read the article I linked if you want to explore further. And that’s about it for part 2 of this two-part series. If you find yourself unsure of where to start your self-improvement journey, start with self-awareness. The key is honesty, acceptance, and kindness. One step at a time.

Until next time. I hope this post inspires you to begin.

Xo

Candace

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How Self-Aware Are You? Part 1

Please bear with me as I switch up my original format. Today’s post is meant to assist others in self-evaluation motivated by my personal experience. I am not a professional and the following advice is not a substitute for licensed opinion.

Today’s topic is an important one in the realm of self-improvement. Stepping up to the plate and acknowledging our behaviors takes courage. But bravery alone doesn’t get the job done. It takes work. That work begins with self-awareness. It is an ongoing process with reward. Before we dive into the most important aspect of growth, let’s define what it means.

Self-awareness is the conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motive, and desire.

A simple definition with loads of personal responsibility. Let’s elaborate and break it on down, shall we?

In life we learn there is only one thing we can control and that is our reaction to situations. In order to obtain that control one must be aware of their own feelings. For a semblance of order dispersed across the board, one needs to be aligned with their motives and desires.

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True intentions come with a bagful of surprises if we aren’t aware of why our outcomes aren’t what we expected.

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Desire is the motivator of intention. It is the driving force masked behind the action. It is important to evaluate this definition because while it’s simply read, it packs a punch. And if you are at the beginning of a self-improvement journey, it’s vital that it begins with the knowledge of your responsibility in the process.

Life is a journey, not a destination

Ralf Waldo Emerson

Are You Ready to Start the Work? Good because that’s the first step!

First:

Let’s get out a notebook (or your journal) and start putting things down. The process of actual handwriting and creating lists makes us 40% more likely to remember the content. This is some important work we are embarking on so we’ll take all the backup we can get!! So grab your pen and paper, I’ll wait 😉

Define Your Character

Character is defined as the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual. What qualities do you consider unique to yourself? This doesn’t mean that others don’t share certain qualities it just means that these are guidelines that govern you. These are things that you stand by, your definite, your no-go’s. Get specific. These can be characteristics that you are proud of or a list of characteristics you want to work on. I think it is important to list both as that shows true self-awareness (personal opinion).

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Keep in mind while reading my examples that these are present-day examples and characteristics I have developed over time with commitment, determination, and stubbornness. My list looked far different in the beginning. The importance is to be brutally honest with yourself and then use kindness to improve.

Personal examples:

1. I do not allow others to skew my reality for the benefit of their own. I expect others to hold themselves accountable just as I hold myself. If I make a mistake, I own it without beating myself up.

2. I do not join in on gossiping. If and when the conversation is turned to me, I consciously shift the conversation to the subject matter at hand, the underline problem not a particular person. And if that isn’t possible I point out that we all possess less than desirable traits and that I cannot speak to anyone else’s character defaults as I have my own to worry about.

3. A character default I used to have was overgeneralizing. I still struggle with this one a little but I’m not as attached to it as I once was. I used to be a pretty black/white thinker. It either is or it isn’t but I’ve grown to learn that depending on the circumstances things can be a little grey instead. This one requires that I work on broadening my view. And I do my best. I am still pretty much a yes or no person.

4. If asked, I tell the truth despite popular consensus or the possibility of hurt feelings. If not asked and there is a possibility it goes against the grain, I do my best to keep it to myself or withhold my opinion because that is all it is, my opinion. I work to keep the unsolicited advice to myself.

Those are a few examples of my mental character that I am proud of but continue to work on. A list of my morals would look like this:

1. I am compassionate, always

2. I am fair, always

3. I am not judgemental. As far as I am aware I am not, however, I do judge and to not sway myself with my own opinion, I work hard to shift my perspective to view each circumstance objectively.

4. I am on a continuous path of growth and I show my gratitude by encouraging others to do the same. I share my lessons with honesty and suggestion keeping one aspect in mind; kindness.

5. I mindfully aim to be patient. Previously, I considered myself impatient. I thought that was how I was and that was forever. I learned differently.

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Feelings

Feelings are defined as an emotional state or reaction. Writing these down serves a purpose when you arrive at a crossroads or when processing. We aren’t going to list our feelings today because they are constantly changing in response to stimuli. However, having a list of feeling words written down to reference or as a key for tracking is a suggestion.

The important work in self-awareness and feelings is to align yourself with how you feel. Can you separate feeling from a given situation to make a decision? Are you capable of recognizing when your emotions are responsible for undesirable results? Can you identify when you are overreacting based on past experiences?

Feelings are a tricky subject. They can guide you to do good or land you in a bind. There is a delicate balance you should aim to achieve by allowing your feelings, acknowledging them yet not being controlled by them. Our feelings are valid but they should not be the driving force behind decision-making. Making decisions is a skill set not everyone is equipped with so it goes to note that the two can be a tragedy waiting to happen.

To be self-aware is to be conscious. This consciousness allows room for one to acknowledge yet not become what they are feeling.

Conclusion

Just as with all areas of self-improvement we can elaborate but learning the basics is the goal of this two-part series. Coming to understand our role in our evolution is critical for growth. It is a never-ending task but one well worth the effort.

Stay tuned for part two of the discussion where I expand on motive and desire. Until then create a list of the characteristics that need improving. Also, take the time to acknowledge how situations make you feel and focus on not allowing the feeling to determine your result. The two of these are a great starting point for becoming self-aware. You’ve gotta know where you come from to know where you are going. What better way than having a written record to reference when you reach the top?!?!

I hope you found this discussion informative. Let me know whatcha think in the comments. Are you new to self-improvement? How self-aware are you?

It Persists. I Create.

Depression is kicking my ass. I keep reminding myself this shall pass. It persists. Confirming it’s impression from days of past. No definite of how long this episode will last. It’s depth, vast. A shadow is cast.

A collage page from my journal

Often I am asked, what is wrong? Or what does depression feel like? Unfortunately, I have no answers but I’ll give it a go. It is constant. It is like an itch that cannot be scratched. There is a feeling there but no words to describe how it feels. If I had to choose a word I’d say, for myself, numb. Then I ponder if numb has a feeling considering… Void of feeling. Yet there is a feeling. Oh I got it!! It’s like white noise or static. It isn’t loud enough for others to hear. A constant hum that lingers despite tuning it out. Trying is describe depression is similar to catching a hummingbird. It’s a feeling rather a noise. A consistent noise that only you can feel.

A spread from my journal

Anyways

My creativity is at an all time high (not counting the past week spent in bed). What I love the most about using paper to create is if you don’t like what you created, you can use layers to cover it up and start over. At the beginning of July I decided I wanted to start carrying my passport size travelers journal. I did so to encourage creating on the go and to have a place for the random daily papers I sometimes accumulate. It’s worked out well. I will most likely continue carrying it. I themed this month’s mini journal “play”.

Words clipped from magazines make great journal pages

It has encouraged me to play using my creative mind. I think that’s where we go wrong as adults. We quit playing. I am guilty and I would like to apologize to myself for having stopped play.

While I am at it

I would also like to formerly apologize for discontinuing Monday Morning Mantra without notice. I’m not so certain those posts were a hit but if you liked them, my apologies. When I am in a slump the first thing to suffer is my productivity. And having a set posting schedule is part of a productive routine.

Just me, playing

Wrap’n it Up But First

I am fortunate to have a support system for when I am muddling my way through. I mean they are always there but more so during times of uncertainty. For instance, my Baby Momma (daughter’s step-mom) dropped in a random hello, how are you? Now she has seen me at my worst and still comes around yet only when it seems necessary. We have a soul connection. Perhaps I beckon her when I am down. Who knows but I do know that speaking with her and seeing my mother are about the only 2 things that counterbalance the yuck. I think it’s important to recognize such connections. During this episode I’ve also noticed the growth in my relationship when it comes to support. It has evolved. Just by acknowledging these two scenarios I bring light to the darkness that encompasses me. I think that’s a beautiful thing.

Ok, ok, okay

This post is all over the place so if you made it this far, thanks! It helps me to process by writing things out and lucky you, this is my soundboard. I went outside of my comfort zone and shared some photo’s from my journal for your viewing pleasure in hopes of it lessening the agony of reading my dribble. I’ve fallen behind on the newsletter but my intentions are to send some words that route soon. Don’t miss out. Subscribe!

How are you holding up?? Is the heat wave affecting your area?

Intact Yet Out of Whack

I am considering, once again, going off my medication. Yes, I am stable. Yes, I am reliable. Yes, my creativity is still intact but I am bored with life. Typically I am full of life. Loads of passion. I’ve been called animated. Charismatic even. All of those compliments go by the waist side when I am medicated because all of those characteristics are out the window when I am medicated. The only way I know how to feel like myself is to stop taking the antipsychotic I take. I, of course, would then up my antidepressant to help with my symptoms. Dare I say I’d rather be crazy than boring any day! There. I said it. And I mean it.

The only part about taking medication that I can tell a difference is my reaction to life. Perhaps since I have acknowledged this I can now work on it. I have an emotional reaction, physically to everything but guess what?? I am used to it. That is how I was created and voiding me of it depresses me significantly. I will continue taking my antidepressant as that helps keep me alive. Really. And I will monitor myself to make sure I don’t start rapid cycling. Damn. Typing that makes it all so real. I have rapid cycling bipolar 1 with psychotic tendencies. Fuck.

Maybe I should stop all medication and crawl in a hole. Ugh!

I spend 90% of my time in bed. The other 10% is spent at work. No, I am not sleeping all that time but I am stuck in bed. Nothing excites me anymore. I need to explore. I need to move my body. I need to shake the 30 pounds I’ve gained from this damn medication. I need to feel like myself 😒 I try not to rant very often but I need to get this off my chest and out of my head. I need to find a solution but is there one? I don’t think I will find resolve considering my circumstances and that sickens me.

I’ve had no motivation to keep up with Monday Morning Mantra. It sucks I can’t even find the umph to do something once a week. Last week I used the excuse, It’s Fourth of July to not post and this week I have no excuse. It’s me. That’s all. Ironically I have been creating a lot. I don’t feel like I’ve been bit by the creative bug more so I am using up materials I’ve acquired. That was a goal for 2022 so maybe I am on track with something.

Having a new puppy is a lot of work especially when the pup is the jealous type. Grrrr. She’s giving me a run for my money so to speak. How do you teach a pup personal space? I’ve been spoiled by my 12-year old dog. He is a Maltese and as laid back as they come. Well the new pup seems hellbent to force him to play tug of war by chin checking him with a toy in her mouth. He’s old and wants nothing to do with her. He gives in every once in a while but for the most part wants to be left alone. She requires attention 100% of the time and frankly, I don’t have it to give. Not at 100%. We ordered her a training collar with a beep, vibrate, and shock setting. We haven’t had to use the shock setting because the vibration and beeping are working, temporarily. She doesn’t seem to retain discipline. It’s been difficult to say the least.

I have been on YouTube a lot lately. I like to watch videos of art journaling, stationery hauls, and anything else to do with paper 😂 It calms my active mind. I’ve also watched a few Netflix specials.

I don’t know how to process mundane. It’s too slow for me. I don’t even know what I mean by that but tis how it is. Let’s see how things go. I have a doctors appointment on the 18th so I can increase my antidepressant. We will see what happens 🤓 I ain’t scared 😉 I have the tools I need to succeed 😝 *shakes head* Don’t ask me. I’m off to treat myself to a yogurt with fruit, honey, and granola. Yummy!

Attitude Adjustment

Just when I think my depression is waning, it waxes. Ugh! Since September of 21, I have been battling laziness. As soon as I overcome my laziness in pops depression. Why? Is it the heat? Is it the never-ending demands of my job? Is it the new puppy we adopted? Or is it simply the way depression operates? I’ll never know for certain but I think it’s a combination of it all. You would think that I would have accepted it by now. Accepted that bipolar depression is not something that I can control. I can, however, look after my mindset and my outlook. Sure it’s difficult but it makes a world of difference.

I am grateful for:

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Creativity

A roof over my head

Air conditioning in my home and in my car (it’s fixed🤗)

Hope in my heart

Compassion

And last but not least,

my job.

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I have been having creative spurts that I am using to make a coworker a journal. Her birthday is in November and me carrying my notebook prompted her to share that she too likes to write. So…what better gift than a handmade journal, right? I will make sure to take pics of the final product to show y’all. I wish I had done that with the others I have gifted. In total, I’ve made about 15. Two of the fifteen were ordered while the remaining 13 were given as gifts. The most typical response I’ve received is, I don’t want to mess it up!! Everyone is afraid to add their artwork to them so with that in mind I made this one with bare bones and included matching papers for use by the new owner. Problem solved. I hope.

I have a three-bedroom, two-bath home with 2 acres of land. It is made a home having Mister, two pups, and a cat. We live in a state that has many days of heat advisory so having central heat and air conditioning is a must. We are fortunate to have it because not everyone does. You may remember me saying that my car’s a.c. was acting up. It is now working making my drive to work tolerable.

Despite the weight of depression, I have hope in my heart for better days. This hope extends beyond my depression. It reminds me that with compassion for myself and others I will survive. And last on my list, work. I am grateful to be employed and to pay my bills on time. Work is more stressful than not but I push through each shift with a smile on my face. Sometimes my smile will drop but I do my best to remember that the shift doesn’t last forever. We are short-staffed. This inevitably puts more strain on the existing staff. Working in the restaurant business comes with its own struggles so adding more work presents a difficult dynamic. It seems a vicious cycle that my employer can’t seem to get ahead of.

This practice of gratitude helped shift my attitude from blah to grateful. Some days this practice isn’t easy. Yeah, it’s easy to write a list but to truly honor that list you’ve got to sit with it. I am fortunate in many ways that when I am feeling cheated or slighted I have plenty to remind myself of. Just having my basic needs met is enough to cherish. Do you ever find yourself in a rut of ungratefulness? What helps you to appreciate what you have?

Until next time

xoxo

Monday Morning Mantra

Welcome to Revenge of Eve’s

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Each Monday I shuffle and draw two cards from two sources, a box set and a deck. The box set boasts encouragement, self-love, goals and focus while the deck affirms our individual power. I then use the two cards to guide me throughout the week. I place the cards on my refrigerator as a visual reference and I write them daily in my journal as written reference. If I find myself experiencing unwanted emotions or challenging thoughts I refer to the cards drawn. I have found this to be an empowering and powerful exercise. One that I decided to share with my readers.

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This week’s Monday Morning Mantra is going to be a little different. I am not drawing cards from any deck but I will leave you with three very important affirmations to guide your week.

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I am enough

I am whole

I am worthy

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I think simplicity is the key this week. Keep these three affirmations at the forefront of your mind. Say them aloud. Say them to yourself in the mirror. Write them in your journal. Recite them however you choose. The goal here is for you to believe them. Your encouragement for the week is:

Keep it simple!

Give me some feedback!! Has this series helped you throughout your week? Do you use affirmations in your daily life? Let me know in the comments.

Until next week!! Remember, keep it simple! Xoxo – Candace

Madness

It's weight
Savage
Mind
Body
Soul
It ravages 
Depleting on
Average
All it passes
Familiar
Heavy
And did I mention 
Savage?
Soul-sucking
Unapologetic
Madness
Turmoil
Chaos
Damage
Silent
Overwhelming 
Sadness
Apathetic
Numb
Indifferent 
Recovery