Truck’n Along

Holla!

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I am happy to report a more positive mindset. That is part of depression lessening and part of medication reaching its shelf life in my system. I am about 20 days free from the antipsychotic I was taking.

I have actual feelings. I mean, I feel things in my gut and when I am medicated, that tingle isn’t there. I’ve had two restless nights, my appetite has decreased (common for me), and I haven’t felt irritable. All good signs. I am paying attention to my tolerance levels. How well I tolerate “life” is a good indicator of my stability.

Not too long ago I mentioned making a journal for a co-worker. I said I would take photos but I didn’t. Damn laziness. Well, the receiver of the journal has commissioned me to make two for her daughters. She will gift them at Christmas. The two are close in age and are pre-teen (12ish). Lucky me I have some covers and signatures already sized for one another. All that they require is binding and embellishments. I am pleased with the content of the pages for a teen journal. There is plenty of room that encourages writing. Most, if not all, of the pages have ruling on them and are bright white. My design theory says that teens aren’t so into vintage so the white paper is perfect! (I could be wrong) I’ve chosen a solid color to decorate with throughout each journal. One seafoam green and the other purple.

Mixed media journal page by me

Idol Time

During my downtime, I have taken to YouTube. Would you consider that social media? Just curious. I feel it is more of an instructional platform but that’s neither here nor there. I mention this because I stumbled upon a DIYer who has like 77k subscribers – that’s a lot – and aside from her videos I looked at her comment section. One video had over 200 comments and she liked like the first 3-5 comments and did not reply to one. This irks me enough to be here discussing it. First of all why even have the comment section available if you aren’t going to chat with your fans? They are obviously fans or they wouldn’t be subscribed. Amiright? Second of all how does someone have that many followers when they do not engage with the community?

I don’t subscribe to just anyone’s account. I am particular. But I accidentally hit the subscribe button while on her channel. I immediately unsubscribed because I hadn’t seen enough of her channel. That’s when I ventured into the comment section and saw her lack of engagement. Just from that alone, I will not subscribe to her channel. And it’s sad because she had some decent content, at least that’s what I saw from watching three of her videos. I know my follow doesn’t make or break her. She is established and kudos to her but how? From content alone? Am I expecting too much from a stranger who offers inspiration in the DIY community?

I’ll be honest, I just think it’s rude as hell to not at least like a complimentary comment. I mean, every comment left encouraged her to keep creating, continue doing what she does, etc… All positive, confidence-boosting love and nothing. No response from her. Like, how dare her. How? Why? 🤔 I literally stopped what I was doing to add this to this post. I wanted to put it in her comment section but I thought what’s the point? Seeing this infuriates me and yet it’s none of my business.

What I can do is come to the platform I use and express my gratitude to those of you who care to read what I have to say. No, I don’t offer step-by-step instructions on how to do something. Hell, I don’t even share science-backed information. I’m just a woman sharing her story and perspective of the world. The most important aspect of sharing is acknowledging the audience who encourages me, supports me, and interacts with me. That’s the least I can do. So with all that said, thank you to each of you who read, comment, or like. I will always keep the mindset of y’alls importance to my space. I appreciate the time you borrow from your day to read what I have to say.

Creative Fun

Moving on. I am determined to learn to draw a face (seen above). I have been practicing different styles of noses, eyes, and lips. I haven’t quite got the hair down yet or the ears but those will come in due time. Here are a few sketches I’ve done. I am obsessed with drawing them 😂

Not too shabby for a beginner if I do say so myself. Progress, not perfection. I am teaching myself highlight and contour via make-up tutorials on Pinterest. Really I am just using the images of a few pins to guide me. I’ve done a little shading but I am not familiar enough to shade a face using a pencil. I will, however, use vibrant oil pastels, using light and dark variations of the same color. You can see that in the first photo. I am super proud of her. I like her.

Well, that’s about it for me. How ‘bout you? Don’t forget to share your opinion about the YouTube hoopla. Am I being over-dramatic?

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Size Does Matter!

Tisk, Tisk

Whoever said size doesn’t matter has never carried a notebook or planner 😉 I’m back today to discuss notebook/planner sizes. Surely you didn’t think since having found the holy grail of notebooks that my romance with stationery ended. Pst.

A Standard

Here’s a quick rundown. Paper sizes are measured on a standard paper size scale. International Standard Organization (ISO) specifies paper sizes used in most countries except for the U.S. and Canada which size their own sizing standard.

*The link provided goes in-depth about the differences between countries’ paper sizes.

There are a lot of mathematical formulas behind A, B, and C paper sizes but the common feature is that any successive paper size measurement is determined by halving the dimensions of the preceding one.

I use the ISO paper sizing chart for a few reasons. One is because I use a travelers notebook system and another reason is for ease when ordering products online.

• Click the link to learn more about this unique system. You won’t regret it 😉

Notebook size comparison

Write or Type

Analog systems are fully customizable. Did I mention handwriting is linked to mental health benefits and memory retention? A paper system can include but is not limited to planners, journals, common books, and sketchbooks. A basic notebook is a handy reference tool for meetings or classroom notes.

In today’s climate, high-tech phones have all but replaced the practice of analog systems. Computer files replaced filing cabinets. And the cloud did away with photo albums. The common denominator; access. With a handheld device and the push of a button, information is at our fingertips. This access rewards the instant gratification we’ve become accustomed to.

Similar to its predecessor notebooks store information. And with the market still intact, stationery companies have evolved, offering a variety of sizes. Just as technology has gone from a desktop to our hands, notebooks evolved from a backpack to our pocket.

On the Go or At Home?

The flexibility an analog system offers, while reaping other benefits, makes it my preferred method of recording and creating. However, I am not fully analog. I rely on technology for blogging, editing, an alarm clock, a calculator, and shopping.

As for my size preference, I utilize different sizes depending on if I am home or mobile. If I am going places I prefer easy to carry. Creating on the go is done with limited supplies. Small and minimal art is usually the result. Currently, I use a passport-sized travelers notebook. At home the opposite is true. I express myself creatively in large, sometimes oversized books. Accessibility is a key factor.

Ahhh! Beauties 😉

My journal, on the other hand, is an A5. An average size notebook. I need more room when I am writing than creating. Yes, I carry both every day! A fun little insight: an EDC is an everyday carry. A cute acronym present in the stationery community. My journal isn’t exclusive to writing. The paper in my journal handles a variety of mediums including watercolor. I am 100% satisfied with A5 for use as my journal but I am itching to try the personal size for on-the-go creating.

That’s the beauty of analog. You can switch it up without breaking the bank. Part of the appeal of travelers’ journaling is the personalization and aesthetic. There are SO many options to choose from!! Makers create covers using all kinds of materials but the ones made of leather are a true investment. I own two leather travelers journals, a passport, and a regular size, each from different companies but both cherished tools.

One Woman’s Quest to Find the Perfect Notebook

Humble Beginnings

To some, paper is paper. But for others, paper offers an appreciation as a multipurpose medium. An avenue of expression.

I remember vividly, standing mesmerized by Lisa Frank folders for the first time. The bright colors and animal theme spoke to me. Her designs stood apart from her competitors on the school supply aisle. I imagine this is where stationery lovers are introduced to their beloved, during school supply season. Wide or college ruling, mechanical or wooden pencils, blue or black ink…slim pickings for a future connoisseur.

As my love for stationery evolves, so does the desire for a particular substrate. Ink, paper, and other tools tempt my pocketbook, varying in quality, color, and size. The exploration of stationery is finite. Herein lies a challenge. Where does one start?

Paper Passion

I began with paper. First I set out to discover my ruling type. I purchased cheap grid notebooks, dot ruled journals, and plain paper. My amateur self chose college over wide-ruled but my curiosity led me to see what the hype was about using other ruling styles.

My first ever premium notebook purchase was a Clairefontaine notebook with Seyes-ruling or French ruling. This style of ruling uses a combination of grid and lines originally intended to help those learning handwriting maintain consistent height and spacing of letters. While the ruling and quality of paper impressed me, I had chosen a cover and size that wasn’t for me. My search continued.

Down the rabbit hole I went. I was floating in a paradise of paper. Admittedly, I got distracted and purchased pretty notebooks with poor-quality paper. I needed focus. With so many options and no preference for ruling, I switched my attention to finding a brand that I align with. I set down some guidelines and off I went.

What I Gathered

Impulse buys taught me that I do not want the ruling to stand out. It distracts me. I prefer white over cream-colored paper. I also concluded that bleed-through is not acceptable. Ever. With these specifics in mind I forged forward on my quest.

In Support of Community

I will not list all of the brands that impress me. But I will say that commercially produced stationery is no longer an option. Not for my personal use. Instead I scout out other passionate stationery enthusiasts to make my purchases. On my mission, looking for a brand to support, I stumbled upon Galen Leather.

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Enough can’t be said about this company. You should check em out. Their story is beautiful and the craftsmanship, top notch.

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By this time I caught wind of the cult-like following of Tomoe River paper. With child-like exploration I dove head first into the frenzy. I could barely contain my excitement when I saw The Everyday notebook filled with this glorious paper on Galen Leather’s website! And even better, the notebook boasts 400 pages of this luxury paper. I pulled the trigger and never looked back. If you would’ve asked me 5 years ago if I would spend thirty dollars on a notebook, I’d think you were crazy.

But wait! There’s More

In true Candace fashion, while I was satisfied, I couldn’t extinguish the flame to try the dot grid. My exploration continued once more. I took to the world’s largest retailer, Amazon. I popped Tomoe River dot grid notebook in the search bar and up pops the Namani Crossfield Seven Seas notebook. featuring cross grid. Yes. Instead of a dot, there is a faint cross that helps guide horizontal and vertical lines. Much to my surprise, this notebook has 80 more pages!! I couldn’t resist. I sent the link to my boyfriend and within a few days, I held it in my hands. Finally, paper peace, packaged in a flat-lay notebook (click the link above for specs).

I have arrived.

Are you looking to spoil yourself? If so, I highly recommend both of these notebooks. The paper is fountain pen friendly, no bleed-through, thin, smooth…ah Best of all, you can use watercolor with beautiful results. My quest is a self-funded exploration. I am not an affiliate. You don’t have to be a paper lover to appreciate these notebooks. Give one a try!!

What excites you?

It Persists. I Create.

Depression is kicking my ass. I keep reminding myself this shall pass. It persists. Confirming it’s impression from days of past. No definite of how long this episode will last. It’s depth, vast. A shadow is cast.

A collage page from my journal

Often I am asked, what is wrong? Or what does depression feel like? Unfortunately, I have no answers but I’ll give it a go. It is constant. It is like an itch that cannot be scratched. There is a feeling there but no words to describe how it feels. If I had to choose a word I’d say, for myself, numb. Then I ponder if numb has a feeling considering… Void of feeling. Yet there is a feeling. Oh I got it!! It’s like white noise or static. It isn’t loud enough for others to hear. A constant hum that lingers despite tuning it out. Trying is describe depression is similar to catching a hummingbird. It’s a feeling rather a noise. A consistent noise that only you can feel.

A spread from my journal

Anyways

My creativity is at an all time high (not counting the past week spent in bed). What I love the most about using paper to create is if you don’t like what you created, you can use layers to cover it up and start over. At the beginning of July I decided I wanted to start carrying my passport size travelers journal. I did so to encourage creating on the go and to have a place for the random daily papers I sometimes accumulate. It’s worked out well. I will most likely continue carrying it. I themed this month’s mini journal “play”.

Words clipped from magazines make great journal pages

It has encouraged me to play using my creative mind. I think that’s where we go wrong as adults. We quit playing. I am guilty and I would like to apologize to myself for having stopped play.

While I am at it

I would also like to formerly apologize for discontinuing Monday Morning Mantra without notice. I’m not so certain those posts were a hit but if you liked them, my apologies. When I am in a slump the first thing to suffer is my productivity. And having a set posting schedule is part of a productive routine.

Just me, playing

Wrap’n it Up But First

I am fortunate to have a support system for when I am muddling my way through. I mean they are always there but more so during times of uncertainty. For instance, my Baby Momma (daughter’s step-mom) dropped in a random hello, how are you? Now she has seen me at my worst and still comes around yet only when it seems necessary. We have a soul connection. Perhaps I beckon her when I am down. Who knows but I do know that speaking with her and seeing my mother are about the only 2 things that counterbalance the yuck. I think it’s important to recognize such connections. During this episode I’ve also noticed the growth in my relationship when it comes to support. It has evolved. Just by acknowledging these two scenarios I bring light to the darkness that encompasses me. I think that’s a beautiful thing.

Ok, ok, okay

This post is all over the place so if you made it this far, thanks! It helps me to process by writing things out and lucky you, this is my soundboard. I went outside of my comfort zone and shared some photo’s from my journal for your viewing pleasure in hopes of it lessening the agony of reading my dribble. I’ve fallen behind on the newsletter but my intentions are to send some words that route soon. Don’t miss out. Subscribe!

How are you holding up?? Is the heat wave affecting your area?

Intact Yet Out of Whack

I am considering, once again, going off my medication. Yes, I am stable. Yes, I am reliable. Yes, my creativity is still intact but I am bored with life. Typically I am full of life. Loads of passion. I’ve been called animated. Charismatic even. All of those compliments go by the waist side when I am medicated because all of those characteristics are out the window when I am medicated. The only way I know how to feel like myself is to stop taking the antipsychotic I take. I, of course, would then up my antidepressant to help with my symptoms. Dare I say I’d rather be crazy than boring any day! There. I said it. And I mean it.

The only part about taking medication that I can tell a difference is my reaction to life. Perhaps since I have acknowledged this I can now work on it. I have an emotional reaction, physically to everything but guess what?? I am used to it. That is how I was created and voiding me of it depresses me significantly. I will continue taking my antidepressant as that helps keep me alive. Really. And I will monitor myself to make sure I don’t start rapid cycling. Damn. Typing that makes it all so real. I have rapid cycling bipolar 1 with psychotic tendencies. Fuck.

Maybe I should stop all medication and crawl in a hole. Ugh!

I spend 90% of my time in bed. The other 10% is spent at work. No, I am not sleeping all that time but I am stuck in bed. Nothing excites me anymore. I need to explore. I need to move my body. I need to shake the 30 pounds I’ve gained from this damn medication. I need to feel like myself 😒 I try not to rant very often but I need to get this off my chest and out of my head. I need to find a solution but is there one? I don’t think I will find resolve considering my circumstances and that sickens me.

I’ve had no motivation to keep up with Monday Morning Mantra. It sucks I can’t even find the umph to do something once a week. Last week I used the excuse, It’s Fourth of July to not post and this week I have no excuse. It’s me. That’s all. Ironically I have been creating a lot. I don’t feel like I’ve been bit by the creative bug more so I am using up materials I’ve acquired. That was a goal for 2022 so maybe I am on track with something.

Having a new puppy is a lot of work especially when the pup is the jealous type. Grrrr. She’s giving me a run for my money so to speak. How do you teach a pup personal space? I’ve been spoiled by my 12-year old dog. He is a Maltese and as laid back as they come. Well the new pup seems hellbent to force him to play tug of war by chin checking him with a toy in her mouth. He’s old and wants nothing to do with her. He gives in every once in a while but for the most part wants to be left alone. She requires attention 100% of the time and frankly, I don’t have it to give. Not at 100%. We ordered her a training collar with a beep, vibrate, and shock setting. We haven’t had to use the shock setting because the vibration and beeping are working, temporarily. She doesn’t seem to retain discipline. It’s been difficult to say the least.

I have been on YouTube a lot lately. I like to watch videos of art journaling, stationery hauls, and anything else to do with paper 😂 It calms my active mind. I’ve also watched a few Netflix specials.

I don’t know how to process mundane. It’s too slow for me. I don’t even know what I mean by that but tis how it is. Let’s see how things go. I have a doctors appointment on the 18th so I can increase my antidepressant. We will see what happens 🤓 I ain’t scared 😉 I have the tools I need to succeed 😝 *shakes head* Don’t ask me. I’m off to treat myself to a yogurt with fruit, honey, and granola. Yummy!

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Some 2022 Artwork

As you may know, I am an avid journaler. About three years ago I set out to discover my artistic style. While I haven’t exactly uncovered what mine is, I did reveal my love for all things paper. Being a writer I focused part of this time on changing my writing style to foster a more hopeful, encouraging style of documenting. I also came across art journaling and junk journals along with many others like glue books.

My initial vision toyed with selling handmade journals but that idea killed any creativity I had. I removed that option and dedicated myself to making things that showcase the papers of life that I collect in a years time. This can also include papers I’ve bought or sourced from estate sales, antique shops, or off shoot pieces I’ve been given.

My current work in progress is a handmade glue book with the theme women and flowers. It will house my admiration for women and flowers as well as my creative explorations including women and flowers. I’m quite stoked about this project. And I thought I could share my progress. I hope you enjoy.

The cover

Page 1 and 2

I include journaling on inserts of paper. In the photo above the yellow ticket has journaling on the back of it. This discloses my new job details and holiday happenings. It is simply tucked into the left edge of the first page.

Images here include magazine, a vintage year book, and an encyclopedia book page with an interactive flap.

A pocket holding a vintage photo from 1937 and journaling. The pocket is from a journal dedicated to the discovery of plants/flowers.

A Victorian die cut of a young lady collaged on top of an old water bill receipt on vintage drawing paper

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Let me know if you enjoy these creative showcases. If you do, I can share more photos more often.