Extension

Reach out to me

in a time of need

Friend,

Proceed

Encouragement

to

Be free

Confide in me

A friendship

without expectation or envy

An extension

of myself

Selflessly

Advertisement

One

Alone

Not suffering

No loneliness to convey

Nothing to display

Only I

Here today

Party of one

Without shame

Solo

Uno

One

I say

No limitations

No compromise

No injustice

No surprise

Just me by my side

Conversations, plenty

Arguments,

None

When it’s over I say

It’s done

Single

Solidarity

Engage

I am one

Blogger Outreach

PSA

It always baffles me how much of blogging is behind the scenes. This isn’t exclusive to the operations and maintenance of a blog but also the blogger outreach. Why so hush hush?

I get it if you operate a successful, corporate blog. Certain positions are established to handle those aspects of the job, example: press roles. But what about when you are a small time blog not looking to make it big rather a part-time income?

Aren’t small blogs important to the blogosphere? Can’t we advertise your new product just the same as a magazine? Yes, the number of eyes that see said advertising is significantly vast but isn’t a customer a customer? There are many scenarios that can play out and I’ll leave that to you. But do you follow what I am saying?

If so…

I am formerly offering product reviews for products related to:

Crafting

Journaling

Coaching programs (self-improvement)

Mental health

For a limited time I am offering to review your product(s) in exchange for the product/service. This is at little to no cost to you. Basically free advertising while I build my readership and continue about my blogging journey. How does that sound??

If my offer interests you, leave a comment or contact me directly using my contact page. If your product doesn’t fit into any of the above categories, list your product and perhaps another blogger will be interested. Please use the comment section to connect with others and get your product out there using small time blogs.

We are in this together!

The Process of Journaling and Its Benefits

“Writing in a journal reminds you of your goals and of your learning in life. It offers a place where you can hold a deliberate, thoughtful conversation with yourself.” – Robin S. Sharma

Some may easily confuse the concepts of diary writing and journaling.  Diary writing is when you record the events of the day whereas journaling can lend itself as a therapeutic tool that explores the thoughts and feelings surrounding the events in your life.  Like any habit, journaling has to become routine in order to reap the benefits.

It takes patience and practice to establish a rhythm. In order for it to be productive, in striving for mental balance, it must be effective journaling. What is effective journaling? It is journaling that helps you meet your goals or improves your quality of life. Writing down your feelings helps you to connect your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and it acts as a buffer for reducing the symptoms of mental illness.

We will explore the benefits of journaling for mental health, tailoring the process to get the most from journaling, ending with referenced statements from those of authority.

Tailor the process

Keep in mind there is no right or wrong method of journaling. It is an individual process meant to connect oneself with their emotions. While some can journal on the go, others may require a quiet, soothing environment. Journaling is a personal preference experience that you must tailor to fit your needs. It may take time to discover your journaling style but once you find it, you feel it. The ways of journaling are limitless!

If you cannot think of what to write about you can scour the internet for prompts, you can use your journal as a creative space to explore your feelings or do a mixture of the two. It is all up to you on how the process looks but it is important to allow it to be a healthy way of self-expression.

Journaling, for me, is a setting. In order for me to lose myself in my journal, I must achieve a level of comfort which I find in seclusion. My surrounding must be relaxing and quiet with no distractions. It is also a mood for me. I find I best describe my experiences with depression. I do not prefer this to be my mood but it is when writing my feelings becomes most effective in a healing aspect.

The most difficult idea to surpass is the invasion of privacy. Writing your most intimate thoughts down leaves you vulnerable and the fear of someone discovering our deepest thoughts is paralyzing. While I cannot guarantee privacy I can guarantee you will benefit from the practice of journaling.

From my own traumatic experience, I will say this… reading someone else’s personal writings is disrespectful and none of your business. There is always a debatable reason when it comes to the privacy of your child but this is not the case today. Reading the raw emotions of another without their permission should be prohibited as a common human law. Doing so crosses boundaries and ruins trust and with me, friendships. The only time it is ok is when the person is deceased.

How do you tailor it?

You may not know where to begin in your journaling journey and thank goodness I came prepared.

• I recommend first purchasing a book that you designate as your journal.  This can be a notebook or a journal book that you buy from the book store.
• Second I choose a pen or pencil depending on my mood. Ideally, this would be the only tool I use but it never works out that way.
• Next is the part you must figure out.  Your setting. I recommend trying all different kinds of places.  The library, the park, in the woods, on the bus on your way to work or in your room.  Do you allow yourself to be free with music? If so, play music.

For myself, I carry a travel notebook with an insert dedicated to thoughts. Throughout the day, if I am needing to get things out of my head, I will jot down words that reference what I am dealing with at the moment and later I use these words to guide a journal entry.

This works well for me and enables me to remember what I was feeling in the moment otherwise I may forget. It took me a while to figure out what works best for me. I am easily distracted and find it difficult to think in depth when the environment is noisy. Using the travel notebook allows me to document on the go yet journal at home.

• Finally, decide the direction you desire and remember you can change it up at any time because it is your space.  I recommend following prompts until you reach a point when you feel you get the gist of choosing a topic.
• Last, write.  Make sure to take note of how the process makes you feel.

Take note of how the process makes you feel. If you do not feel confident, that comes with practice but if you do not feel comfortable evaluate your environment. Change whatever it is that doesn’t suit your needs.

Journaling Guide

Journaling for mental health benefits looks different from “just journaling”. The subject of mental health encompasses a wide range of disorders. These disorders are accompanied by symptoms that hinder the way we approach life while some debilitate us. Journaling to receive benefits works best when following a specific method. Many times your counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist may recommend a particular method of journaling to enhance your results.

Now let’s break it down further to discuss more specific areas that effective journaling can act as a therapeutic tool. Depression, anxiety, stress management, PTSD, and substance abuse recovery have shown impressive results from writing your thoughts regarding current or past events.

This is not a substitute for receiving professional help.  It is merely a tool used to help alleviate the symptoms experienced from mental illness often suggested by a professional.  

Below you will find statements in regard to specific mental instabilities and how journaling can be used as an effective tool.

Depression

• Expressive writing can reduce symptoms of depression in women who are struggling with the aftermath of intimate partner violence (Koopman, Ismailji, Holmes, Classen, Palesh, & Wales, 2005).
• Writing in a journal may also be as effective as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for reducing symptoms of depression in high-risk adolescents (Stice, Burton, Bearman, & Rohde, 2006).
• Expressive journaling may not reduce the frequency of intrusive thoughts in depressed individuals, but it moderates their impact on depressive symptoms, leading to a reduction in symptoms (Lepore, 1997).
• Journaling can help college students who are vulnerable to depression reduce their brooding and rumination, two contributing factors of depressive symptoms (Gortner, Rude, & Pennebaker, 2006).
• In general, people diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder reported significantly lower depression scores after three days of expressive writing, 20 minutes per day (Krpan, Kross, Berman, Deldin, Askren, & Jonides, 2013).

Anxiety

Writing in a journal can positively impact your anxiety through:

• Calming and clearing your mind.
• Releasing pent-up feelings and everyday stress.
• Letting go of negative thoughts.
• Exploring your experiences with anxiety.
• Writing about your struggles and your successes.
• Enhancing your self-awareness and teaching you about your triggers.
• Track your progress as you undergo treatment (Star, 2018).

Through mechanisms like those listed above, journaling has been shown to:

• Reduce anxiety in patients with multiple sclerosis (Hasanzadeh, Khoshknab, & Norozi, 2012).
• Reduce physical symptoms, health problems, and anxiety in women (LaClaire, 2008).
• Help students manage their stress and anxiety and improve their engagement and enhance meaning found in the classroom (Flinchbaugh, Moore, Chang, & May 2012).

Stress Management

Keeping a journal can help you fully explore your emotions, release tension, and fully integrate your experiences into your mind (Scott, 2018). Further, it can help you work on reducing specific sources of stress or aid you in reaching an important goal (perhaps reducing your overall stress?).

• Decreasing symptoms of various health conditions
• Improving your cognitive functioning.
• Strengthening your immune system.
• Examining your thoughts and shifting your perspective.
• Reducing rumination and promoting action.
• Planning out your options and considering multiple outcomes of a situation (Scott, 2018).

PTSD

It’s hypothesized that writing works to enhance our mental health through guiding us towards confronting previously inhibited emotions (reducing the stress from inhibition), helping us process difficult events and compose a coherent narrative about our experiences, and possibly even through repeated exposure to the negative emotions associated with traumatic memories (i.e., “extinction” of these negative emotions; Baikie & Wilhelm, 2005).

In order for it to have a positive effect on our mental health, we must journal with purpose. Baikie & Wilhelm suggest the following:

1. Write in a private and personalized space that is free from distractions.
2. Write at least three or four times, and aim for writing consecutively (i.e., at least once each day).
3. Give yourself some time to reflect and balance yourself after writing.
4. If you’re writing to overcome trauma, don’t feel obligated to write about a specific traumatic event—journal about what feels right in the moment.
5. Structure the writing, however, feels right to you.
6. Keep your journal private; it’s for your eyes only—not your spouse, not your family, not your friends, not even your therapist (although you can discuss your experience with your therapist, of course!).

Kate Spade – mental health awareness

Another good set of guidelines on effective journaling can be found on the Center for Journal Therapy website. When you journal, remember the simple acronym: WRITE!

• W – What do you want to write about? Think about what is going on in your life, your current thoughts and feelings, what you’re striving towards or trying to avoid right now. Give it a name and put it all on paper.
• R – Review or reflect on it. Take a few moments to be still, calm your breath, and focus. A little mindfulness or meditation could help in this step. Try to start sentences with “I” statements like “I feel…”, “I want…”, and “I think…” Also, try to keep them in the present tense, with sentence stems like “Today…”, “Right now…”, or “In this moment…”
• I – Investigate your thoughts and feelings through your writing. Just keep going! If you feel you have run out of things to write or your mind starts to wander, take a moment to refocus (another opportunity for mindfulness meditation!), read over what you have just written, and continue on.
• T – Time yourself to ensure that you write for at least 5 minutes (or whatever your current goal is). Write down your start time and the projected end time based on your goal at the top of your page. Set a timer or alarm to go off when the time period you have set it up.
• E – Exit strategically and with introspection. Read what you have written and take a moment to reflect on it. Sum up your takeaway in one or two sentences, starting with statements like “As I read this, I notice…”, “I’m aware of…”, or “I feel…” If you have any action items or steps you would like to take next, write them down now (Adams, n.d.).

The above is a great way to guide yourself through the act of journaling.  It eliminates any doubts you may have about the process.

“Whether you’re keeping a journal or writing as a meditation, it’s the same thing. What’s important is you’re having a relationship with your mind.” – Natalie Goldberg

Recovery

Last but not least, what effects does journaling have on recovery?

If you are suffering in the aftermath of a traumatic event, journaling can help you find the good in life. It can even help you see the positive side of experiencing the trauma, which helps reduce the severe symptoms that can accompany trauma (Ullrich & Lutgendorf, 2002).

If you are grappling with an eating disorder, journal writing can be a huge source of relief and healing. Keeping a journal can help you stop distancing yourself from your issues, encourage you to confront your problems head-on, and reduce the obsessive component of your disorder (Rabinor, 1991).

If you are struggling with a debilitating psychiatric condition, journaling can help you get your thoughts down on paper and stop ruminating and worrying over them. This can free up your mind to manage your emotions and cope with stress that could trigger a relapse (Provencher, Gregg, Mead, & Mueser, 2002).

If the recovery you seek is for the death of a loved one, one of the most traumatic and heartbreaking events of all, journaling can help with that as well. Writing can give you a chance to process your enormous loss and reduce the most severe symptoms of grief. This has been proven to be especially effective for children dealing with bereavement (Kalantari, Yule, Dyregrov, Neshat Doost, & Ahmadi, 2012).

However, the recovery that journaling can have the biggest impact on is recovery from addiction. If you’re struggling to overcome an addiction, journaling can help you record your struggles and your accomplishments, hold yourself accountable and allow you an opportunity to work through difficult thoughts and emotions in a healthy manner (Milios, 2015).

Writing our thoughts, feelings, and actions down in a journal allows us to craft and maintain our sense of self and solidifies our identity. It helps us reflect on our experiences and discover our authentic self. Keeping a journal can give you a chance to create and consider the narrative of your life, with all of the choices you have made and the memories that make you who you are today. In a word, the benefits of journaling on recovery is “cathartic” (New Roads Treatment, 2017).

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I found Positive Psychology Program a great resource for all things motivational to living a well -balanced life. I garnered a lot of useful information from this one source and highly recommend this site to anyone who is in search of practical tools to implement in their daily lives.

What the future has in store for us is unknown but what we can do is choose healthy coping mechanisms to deal with current and past events.  Doing so increases our chances of having carved our own path towards a better future. We cannot change our past from bad decisions or involuntary acts but we do have some control over how our future looks.

Journaling is a process that familiarizes us with who we are.  When we know who we are we can successfully share our wisdom with younger generations.  The benefits of journaling far outweigh the possibility of failure. Self-awareness holds you responsible and accountable and gaining this through journaling will improve your decision-making skills, overall mental wellness and assist in your recovery.  

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So? What are you waiting for?? Grab a journal today!!

Do you journal? How has it impacted your mental health?

3.27.19

Unnecessary Pressure

I am making the decision to free myself of the unnecessary pressure I place on myself. Too much, if not all, that I deal with is not necessary.

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I do not advance in life.

I do not become a better person.

Nothing is accomplished because of.

The results are not quicker.

The process doesn’t become easier.

I surely do not benefit.

There are no magical fairies.

From this moment forward, I vow to myself to keep it simple.

Everything!

Simple.

I will not overthink.

I will not look into my thoughts.

I will not pry.

I will simply mind my own business, think positively, and live a life of simplicity.

Can It Really Be Considered Progress?

Relationships

The only thing I can honestly say about relationships is that I have had my fair share of toxic, broken, manipulative ones. Looking at my situation from my point of view I am impressed that I survived. I am also impressed by my growth.

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I put emphasis on growth because when it comes down to it, I am only attracted to the bad boys with a record and prison tatts. My interpersonal relationships have blossomed and produced fruits of love, laughter, and compassion…compromise. Yadayada.

But, is being single actual growth? Especially when I am not one to have intimate relationships in the first place and the ones I do have extend for years and years and years (they seem to drag out). My relationship record can be described using one word; painful. I do not have the best track record. Jealousy, greed, alcohol, lust….all the bad stuff, have ruled my idea of love.

The true progress can be seen in my interpersonal relationships with close friends and family. The most recent example of this would be the separation from my lifelong best friend. It was for me. Throughout the 30+ years of our relationship, I was the giver never to receive. Her selfishness became extreme and her sickness has grown. What sickness? Her mental state is deteriorating and she refuses to seek professional advice. It feels like abandonment but for the first time in my life I committed to sticking to my boundaries and did so.

What I find difficult is trusting myself with getting into a relationship. I don’t think I am ready but do we ever know when we are? I am perfectly content being alone single. The only thing that is lacking is the obvious, sex. The abundance of sexually transmitted diseases makes it challenging to sleep with random guys. I was lucky and had a “friend” but he moved away and now there is one I have been talking to for a year, off and on, that I finally met up with. I know he is no good for me. I’ll say that.

At this moment I find myself more interested in giving dating chance but how does someone who has never “dated” date? Times are different from when I was growing up. I do not get out of the house enough to randomly meet someone and I don’t dare enter the shark infested waters of online dating. I am limited in my options. Honestly, when I think of having to care how someone else feels, I am turned off by the idea. It is exhausting to maintain a relationship (see paragraph one). If given a semi-decent man I am afraid I would ruin him with my lack of trust in the man species as a whole.

I don’t have faith there are good ones out there. I’ll be truthful and say even if there are, I wouldn’t be attracted to them (see paragraph two). Compromise seems like a great suggestion but for what? Compromise sex for the title? I couldn’t. Maybe if they were a reformed bad boy… At 40 years old I’m not too sure I have hope in the arena of intimate relationships.

I have always gravitated towards younger guys. But I don’t want to be older than my “other half”, anymore. I am ok with my age but I do not want to constantly be reminded of it. Realistically I am not yet whole and just began my journey towards self-love and it is possible I was the problem all along. I take credit for my role in the toxicity of my failed relationships but is that all it takes to move on? Acknowledging your role? I have a long road that awaits and the idea of a partner to join me both sounds tempting and repulsive.

Throughout my life, I have been more productive in being alone. Being in a relationship has been more of a distraction than anything. When I am in one I tend to lose myself, albeit I’ve not found who that self is. Perhaps the pressure I feel from deciding to discover who I am has subliminally planted the desire for a relationship and I am not falling for it!! I refuse to enter into a partnership with the mindset I’ve always had. It consumes me in an unhealthy way that leads to paranoia, jealousy, and often rage. It’s time I put all that effort into myself and not experience those dramatic emotions once and for all.

That fact I am now able to recognize all of this is where progress can be seen. I am pleased with that. It is enough. I am enough.

Changing My Life (One Day At A Time)

Hello 2019

It is now the new year. So much pressure is put on the new year and I realized this as I scrolled through reading the posts of other bloggers. I am not putting that pressure on myself. I am aware that life happens and that I am not in control but I will do what I am capable of doing to pass on positivity and learn about myself in the process.

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January

I have set my goals for January. The target goal assigned to this month is: Be More Present (most significantly as a mom)

Keeping it simple they are:

1. Do not take my phone to the field (soccer).
2. One hour each time Kid is with me is to be spent with no technology
3. Journal daily

My secondary goals are:

1. Exercise 30 minutes a day. Not strenuous or exhaustive. Stretching is good.
2. Use the focus mode setting on my laptop.
3. Listen to a podcast about mindfulness. Do not do anything while listening.
4. Write a gratitude list every morning.

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Exercising

I did not list exercise as a goal to lose weight. I am at a good weight but I would like to tone the loose, hanging skin (as tears drop my eyes). I am no spring chicken and at 40 I need to keep momentum for health purposes. I am not one who is committed to eating healthy or exercising. I was gifted with decent enough genes that I haven’t worried about it. This isn’t to say that I’ve never been overweight because in my alcoholism I weighed a hearty 200 pounds. When I quit drinking I was able to shed 60 pounds pretty quickly. Shew but with that came flabby skin that I am self-conscious about. Well, I start today and will begin with stretching.

Podcast & Gratitude

Ok. I have been waiting with bated breath to share with y’all my absolute favorite podcast so far. I am new to the scene of podcasts so it is possible you have discovered this one but if you haven’t, you must! If you are on any type of spiritual journey or identity journey, I highly recommend Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations. Hands down a goosebump, ah-ha type of podcast.

I listen to it on Spotify but I am sure it is on iTunes as well. I pay monthly for my account so I am not sure if the free version offers podcasts. Each morning I have it programmed to play on my Google Home after the weather. It has been an inspiring way to begin my day.

A common denominator that the guests share about being fulfilled in life is through gratitude, love, and compassion. I will be intent on focusing on each of these individually with my target goals but also as a combined practice. Listing three things that I am grateful for in my planner helps keep me mindful throughout the day about the small things in life. I know I need it. Not because I am ungrateful but because I tend to forget about how good I have it.

When I first began Revenge of Eve my tagline was Painfully Privileged. I changed it so that I didn’t come off snobby but that is my truth. I have been fortunate throughout my life, not without pain, and I used that as a snarky tagline but ultimately removed it. My mother has provided shelter for my daughter and I over the course of my adult life. When I was actively drinking I would do good, move out, maintain, and then fall back. She has always been there to catch me and I realize not everyone has this luxury. Some may call it enabling but my Ma is not going to let her granddaughter suffer because of her mom’s choices.

Focus

Most of you are aware that I struggle with focusing. Thanksgiving night I braved the crowd and went to Best Buy with the intentions of getting a phone and walked out with an HP 2n1 Pavilion laptop. Under the setting is a mode called focus. As I have mentioned I haven’t used it yet but January will be the month. I will set the mode for one of my time blocks; 45 minutes. I will report the details in a later post. Fingers crossed it works.

Difficult Decisions

The most significant change I am considering is leaving my job at the casino. It is extremely taxing physically and in order for our shift to operate smoothly all hand must be on deck. We have run into an entitled group of young servers who do not pull their weight making the load for us senior servers too heavy to bear. At my age and with my anger, I am tired, overworked and unhappy.

I am thinking about job hunting at a local bar where it is me I rely on. Being behind a bar is my safe area. It’s me that sets up, serves my guests, cleans and makes my money. So you guessed it. If I am going to be frustrated with anyone it will be myself. I have a loyalty to my managers at the casino and that has been what has kept me there the past week. I have left my shift in complete disarray as of late. The holiday season is grueling on my body and adding the extra weight of immature, lazy 19-23-year-olds, pisses me off. It isn’t necessary. I am prepared to make these difficult decisions this year. It is myself who has to live with what I choose and I trust me now. And that feels good.

I voiced my thoughts to my manager and she asked I hang on a little while longer until she can get new staff on board. I will wait as patiently as possible for the next two weeks.

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As part of my morning routine, I write the thoughts that come to mind. I wrote the above, difficult decisions, before going into work. When I arrived at work my co-worker Dawn said she had something for me. Surprised and not knowing what for my immediate response was why. She knew I had a bad day the day before and she thought a gift bag full of stickers would brighten my day, along with two pair off socks and a cute triangular hanging flag! She was right! It literally made my heart pound that she would do something as sweet as this for me. Her story and mine are strangely familiar and that is what we have built our friendship upon. This gesture added such a kind sense of compassion to our friendship. It is these type of acts of kindness that restore my faith in humanity, a smidget. 😉

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