And if I say, Don’t get tripped up by words, she does the opposite. What good does it do to suggest to someone what they should, could, or must do?
Free will. Is it the blue or the red pill? A suggestion, recommendation, or instruction. If fear has its way, a plot for destruction.
Simply a bias, an experience, or foreshadowing. A casual being. Perhaps a gleaming projection with ample protection.
Direction is given but can not be expected to be taken. The stillness of delusion compromises confusion. Where’s the inclusion? She insists it’s an illusion.
Forsaken of a past, she implies none of this last. She views at half-mass. Her cup frighten to overflow. Cherish uncertainty she forego.
An imagination takes her where she wants to go. A calm demeanor shields a chaotic interior. Inferior. She distorts. Herself she contorts.
A plot. A plan. Incessant thoughts. She awaits rescue from her mind’s quicksand. One woman’s territory. An escape. Or a trap. Answer that.
So about the heading…??? First off, thank you to whoever submitted R.O.E. to Feedspot. Before purchasing a plan and my domain, I submitted R.O.E. to gain exposure. I was pleased to be featured in the top 100 mental health blogs but unfortunately, I did not gain much traffic from the source. Fast forward four years and now I am #11 on the top 100 mental health blogs!! I received an email stating the great news but as #11 came a great surprise. I am grateful to receive such accolades considering I am a personal blog without many resources. It makes me want to step up my game to fill the shoes of the #11 spot! But not only that, it caused me to question if I am classified as a mental health blog.
The last time I was mysteriously nominated for recognition, my blog was categorized more towards personal development, and to that, I can agree. I was then humbly nominated to receive a bloggers bash award. The nomination itself was an award for me. But this leaves me to question, how do I categorize Revenge of Eve? The simple answer is as an unconventional lifestyle blog but to be fair, that isn’t technically a niche.
If I plan to grow beyond what I have here as of today, and I do, I must gain a better understanding of what direction I want to go. I candidly captioned an unconventional lifestyle blog to afford me a variety of discussion topics. This has given me a wider net to cast but the question remains, what kind of blog is R.O.E.?
Insert You
This is where you, my avid reader, come in. If you had to categorize us (R.O.E.), how would you do so?
A. Personal Development
B. Mental Health
C. Lifestyle (unconventional or otherwise)
D. Just a Blog & you don’t care 😒
Feel free to use the comment section for your answer. And thanks in advance for taking the time to help me gain direction to further provide more useful content!
If I am lucky, you are an original seedling here in theGarden and you may remember that with each new year I choose a word to guide my year. No worries if you are a new blossom because I will catch you up to the harvesting ‘round here!! Y’all ready?
Let’s Go
I like what I did there 😉
I do not do the whole resolution trend. I do my best to steer clear of failure. A little F.Y.I. 80% of resolutions are broken by February! That’s an astounding percentage of shattered goals in a short two months! On a more personal note, because of my path of healing, 2021 did not have a word, however, there is one to sum it up; persistence.
Insert; AQuick Backlog of My Process of Healing
I recently mentioned that the task of releasing attachments is at the forefront of my focus. Having let go of so many material things yet deciding my studio supplies/materials a positive aspect of stuff and “keepable” ☺️, I have arrived at somewhat of a dilemma. What’s that? Well, I’ve nothing left to release!! I began this post with the clever idea of claiming release as 2022’s word but after bringing reality into this idea I realized how not so clever of an idea it is.
The release of material objects seemed to naturally assist in the release of the emotional baggage I held tight to. While it was a natural process it wasn’t pretty by any means. The discovery of my shadow side blindsided my world of love and light. Through the healing process, I learned that while my intentions appear generous, my motive was selfish. More often than not, self-loathing. Yes, doing for others is admirable but not if it is at the expense of your mental health.
Sheesh, y’all…there is SO MUCH growth in that paragraph. Tears stream down my face as I acknowledge my truth. Tears of pride. For someone who loves so strongly yet to discover a seed of hate within themselves, for themselves…shit!!! All I can say is it was an arduous journey I wasn’t positive I’d see the other side of. Because of my persistence, I succeeded. I overcame. Most importantly, I released the lies of trauma. I let go of the not-so-glamorous opinions I held about myself. I released the blatant lies of projection. Wow!! Such a heavyweight, gone. I feel it too. In the tears that roll down my face. In the thoughts that occupy my mind. In the way, I do for others. And most significantly, in the way I see myself.
I didn’t expect this post to go this way. Hell, I thought I was gonna type up a simple one-word-focused post and be on my way. Perhaps there is a lesson in that. Release expectation in myself.? Maybe. Hmmm.
Okay. Back to “business”
Where was I? Oh yeah… Word for 2022.
The purpose of my word for the year is to guide my year, challenge me, and teach me how I can contribute to achieving my true-to-self desires. The irony in that is that sometimes when we are constantly doing, we miss out. In previous years my word motivator was action. To do. Now that I am standing on the other side of who I became, I know the importance of being. Knowing the importance and being are two different things though.
Therein lie my challenge and my word for 2022; be. Of all things I began this post thinking it would be, it is the opposite. Imagine that.
2022
Being is about acceptance. Not blaming another or picking someone else apart rather accepting that alone you are whole and fallible. One with where you are (mentally, emotionally, physically), how you feel, what you think, what you do, etc. Being isn’t going to be an easy task for me to conquer. My imagination stretches realities and into infinity so being present will require quite a bit of willpower on my behalf.
Disassociated states are where I’ve existed the majority of my life. If you aren’t familiar with disassociation, think of it as disconnected. Like a void you place between yourself and the present moment. This void separates you from presence, from relationships, and from connections. It is as if you watch yourself interact instead of being a part of the interaction.
It was in 2020 that I accepted disassociation. I learned this as a trauma coping mechanism. Long story. Once learned I continued using it as a defense mechanism to not allow anyone close.
Unaware of its frequency and harm, I continued this tactic while trying to heal. It didn’t work. I kept being met with the same emotional battles. Until I allowed myself to feel. Honestly feel. In short, this is where I am today. I guide myself into feelings with a gentleness I didn’t possess prior. Now that I am aware of my mind’s trick I can monitor it. Perhaps because of the holidays, I find myself more disconnected than usual.
Sooooo. Stick around and let’s see how this goes!!
P.S. Those of you who subscribe to receive theGarden, my “newsletter”, I have been locked out of that account due to not having access to the phone number or email associated with the account despite having the correct username and password 🤔😤 I plan to contact support. If they do not give me access, I will begin a new account. Annoying as it is, please consider subscribing to the new and improved Garden newsletter. I would be saddened to lose any of you although excited about incorporating more frequent communication utilizing email. Keep an eye out for future posts for the 411😊
The spectrum of materials stationery encompasses seems endless. Stationery is often innocently thought of as customized paper with matching envelopes but below you will see the plethora of materials this one word encapsulates. While it does include envelopes and paper it is oh so much more!! The official Wikipedia definition is:
I can scroll for hours looking at aesthetically pleasing storage solutions, paper, office accessories, etc.
Gah!
Over the years I’ve touched a bit on my infatuation with stationery. Truth be told I was embarrassed by it until I stumbled upon hundreds if not thousands of Instagram accounts of others who appreciate it as much as myself. It didn’t take long before my feed was dedicated to all things stationery (and art). As an adolescent, my favorite pastime was playing school. I was Ms. Debbie Smith. I took my job seriously 😂. A few stories are floating around about my school playing days. Not too long ago I realized what drew me to it and low and behold it has always been… You guessed it… Stationery.
These days I get stuck more so on a brand that suits my design style than a product. The quality is of utmost importance. That is part of the criteria. Followed by the aesthetics. Both must align for me to consider making a purchase soooo in saying that, allow me to list my current obsessions.
While I am an Amazon associate, none of the links included in this post is affiliate. I did not receive the products mentioned in an exchange for my review. All opinions are my own.
Favorite Brand
I am currently stalking Russell+Hazel. Like seriously. I look at their website at least once a day. The selection is minimal therefore making my efforts slim but I can’t help myself!! I am goo-goo over the color scheme of black, acrylic, grey, white, and gold. They do offer a few other colors, pale blues and muted pink paired with gold foil accents.
The selection of acrylic organization and desk accessories hypnotize me ☺️. I was introduced to the brand by accident. Some of you may be familiar with Dirt Cheap but if not it’s an unorganized store that purchases product containers from certain retailers and then resells the products for a cheaper price. Well, I was digging through the store’s stash and I came upon a nice leather planner, the one I am currently using. It was already halfway into the year but at $5, I couldn’t pass it up. As I began using it I fell in love. I found myself using it instead of looking for another one. They call it planner happiness for a reason.
I Googled the brand when deciding on 2022’s planner and to my amazement, I opened a treasure chest!! Have a look for yourself. If you are anything like me you are sure to be pleased.
Favorite Pen
For a little over a year, I have used the same brand of pen. The S-Gel by Sharpie is a gel .07 tip pen that glides smoothly across any paper. The dry time isn’t long and the ink is deep black. The white design pairs with my love of the black and white aesthetic. They sell this pen at Walmart so it is fairly attainable for anyone who wishes to give it a go.
S-Gel by Sharpie
Favorite Paper
Now this category is tricky. While I collect paper, my exploration of writing paper is almost non-existent. The papers that my collection consists of are of the vintage kind and designer kind. Don’t get me wrong, my collection includes notebooks purchased on a whelm as well as others gifted to me, all of which have writing papers. I’ll break this favorites section down a little different.
Since stumbling upon my favorite pen, I now know I prefer gel ink. Check. I know that I do not like ink to bleed through the paper. Check. I have come to conclude that while I enjoy college-ruled I prefer my pages without ruling so that I am not limited to writing, however, 2022’s journal has a faint grey ruling and will be dedicated to writing. Weird, I know. I discovered I like the freedom blank pages offer so three out of four for 2022’s stack are blank paged. Now that absolutely no sense has been made, my choice of blank paper is Tomoe River. During my paper research, I learned Tomoe River recently changed the quality of its paper product, to the dismay of many. My opinion of the quality is based on the older product.
52 g/m2 fills the Galen Leather co. notebook I’ve almost used from cover to cover. Filling a notebook has been a goal of mine for some time and I am 10 pages away from accomplishing said goal!! Yay!! Ok on to the paper. Tomoe River paper is thin, fountain pen-friendly paper. There is no bleed-through or ghosting which from its thinness is shocking. It is a Japanese company with a reputation for the quality of its paper.
As I unpack my studio, I will document other favorites. What types of pens and paper do you prefer?? Do you have a particular brand that captivates you?
Not everything I say is of importance. For instance, this post is because I simply can not decide what topic I want to jot about but I want to write. Perhaps these posts shouldn’t be published at all. Conceivably these rambles should remain an entry in my analog journal. I am not the only one who suffers the bouts of topic-lessness. Don’t you?
Not even with all my might can I force my hand to write, therefore, I’ll ramble. Funny, never have I suited the role of a damsel. Under distress and among chaos I shine. I am at my best. I am flunking this writer’s test. I digress.
Oftentimes words flow. Outpouring, out of control. Record rumbles exist scattered about. There is no doubt. Ambiguous thoughts are written yet not said aloud.
Writers write and ramblers ramble but I am a writer who likes to ramble. Such a shamble!! Others turn up their nose, this isn’t prose. But I suppose, to each his own. I’ll come down off my throne. Gimme a bone. I am not afraid of eating alone.
And maybe it goes like this: my writing ramble you dismiss. No worries. Still, I publish it. Not for you rather for me, can’t you see this written travesty? Or ramble. Whatever it may be.
Blogging Is Much More Than I Had Originally Thought
Sometimes it takes someone else to acknowledge things before I do so myself. Like blogging for example. I’ve never sat back and thought about what blogging means to me. Or what it means to have a blog. There are a handful of bloggers that began punching a keyboard four years ago alongside me that I remain in the loop with. Each of their blogs is more successful than my own. I say that with a sense of pride and inspiration. While communicating with Ashley from Mental Health@Home, I realized the integral role blogging plays in my recovery. So I went ahead and made a nifty list!
Blogging for me means this:
1. I have a support system.
2. I have a safe space to share my vulnerabilities.
3. Others are on a similar life journey and are compassionate of mine.
4. I am not alone.
5. Others do care.
Yes, a simple itemized list of 5 sums up the feels I get from having a blog. Anyone who is human can attest these are critical to have and not to recovery alone; in life.
This blog is witness to transformation.
This blog is a testimony of life.
My life.
This blog reminds me to breathe.
This blog mirrors tears, hopes, dreams, and fears.
This blog embraces mistakes.
It encourages.
This blog is a display of endurance and strength.
This blog is the result of what I receive as a blogger on WordPress.
Isn’t that a beautiful thing?
Just by being yourself, you have a deep impact on someone else’s life.
Worrisome thoughts consume the minds of millions. An alarming 91% of what folks worry about does not come to fruition, according to Psychology Today.
Although I am diagnosed with anxiety, I do not consider myself a worrier. I attribute my anxieties to angst and nervous energy. I also have an adhd diagnosis, therefore, predictably is something I prefer yet I do not worry about the unknown. I don’t know if this makes any sense to anyone beside me.
For example, my what if’s go: “What if I were blind?”, I question … not worry. Following this specific what if came a year of closed eyes. True story. When I commit, I commit. I was in third grade when this experiment took place.
My what if’s do not come from a place of fear or concern.
Because of this I deem myself fortunate to not belong to the 60 percent (Washington post, April 2020) of United States adults who worry.
Some may debate my worryless claim taking into account my motherhood. Would you believe me if I told you I do not worry about my daughter? Well … I don’t. When she was a young child my only fear was an injury that resulted in bleeding. My instincts to fight or flight are to freeze. For me, this means that when I encounter a situation involving blood or possible disaster, I become debilitated. I shut down completely. So my fear wasn’t a worry about my child per se rather my helplessness if we were to find ourselves in such circumstance.
Do not mistake my lack of worry as a lack of love. That just isn’t true. She = life to me but that doesn’t mean I must worry about her. No, I do not want her to hurt but I know it’s going to happen. And I hope I do a good job consoling her.
Worries are prayers for things we do not want. Don’t put things out in the universe if you don’t want to manifest it.
Life is a series of falling and getting back up. Mistakes and failure form character. Let life mold a warrior not shape a worrier. Worrying is a waste. It contributes to stress and has no influence on the outcome.
Disturb Me Not provides staggering statistics in connection with the recent pandemic and worrisome anxieties. The article I linked is full of interestingly informative stats. I am only going to share a piece. I recommend reading the full article.
Due to COVID-19, 53% of adult Americans claimed that their mental health had been negatively affected in 2020.
People sheltering-in-place reported higher levels of stress and worry (47%) over COVID-19 than people who were not sheltering-in-place (37%).
Anxiety disorders affect 40 million US adults every year.
31.2% of Americans experience an anxiety disorder at some point in their lifetime.
Over 90% of people with generalized anxiety disorder have another psychiatric diagnosis as well.
19 million Americans suffer from specific phobias.
6.8 million US adults have generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).
About 31% of US adolescents suffer from an anxiety disorder.
14% of people in the European Union suffer from an anxiety disorder.
Up to 90% of people with generalized anxiety disorder have difficulty concentrating.
How about you? Do you find yourself worrying? If so, about what?
Revenge of Eve 