Hoppy Easter
Tag: #holidays
Here I Go…
Come on Already
Having felt some type of way before Christmas, I can say that I feel much worse today. My frustrations are amplified by lower back pain. Add to that, work. I am over the damn holidays. Maybe this can be attributed to hormones as well. I don’t know. But isn’t it easy to have something to blame when you aren’t feeling up to par?
I work at a 24-hour restaurant where you could say the occasional drunk likes to visit. I am fortunate enough to not have to deal with many as I get off at 9 pm but it is New Year’s Eve and I expect to run into a few. One may assume that because I was a bartender for 22 years that I am accustomed to the crowd that is…well, obnoxious. And I am or I was. Today doesn’t seem to be tolerable for me. I want to call out. My back is jammed and I can barely move without sharp pain taking my breath away. But calling out would mean losing my job or going to the doctor for an excuse which may need to happen considering my level of pain. However, I tell myself to push through.
I am ready for day-to-day life to be back to normal. Or should I say our new normal? I’ve adjusted well to a slower pace. Perhaps that is why the holidays have exhausted me. The hurried frenzy to buy, wrap, prepare, give, cook…sheesh!! Typing it wore me out. Maybe I am being overdramatic. That’s a possibility too except not about the pain I am experiencing.
I ask myself if this is worth publishing and if I am being honest, no. The only purpose it serves is my venting. It may validate someone who is feeling as crappy as me but I doubt it. If anything I sound like a whiney hiney. I need some pep in my step because no amount of bitching stops the clock. I soon have to be of service to hungry customers who don’t give a damn if I am in pain, rightfully so. I should have called out yesterday for today’s shift and taken my ass to the doctor. But I didn’t and I have no one or nothing other than myself to blame.
It’s days like today I wish I followed through with my disability case. I keep telling myself to call and check the status but I haven’t. Meh. And blah. And whaaaaa!! 😂 okay, I feel a little better. Off to work I go!
Funny story: tomorrow is New Year’s Eve 😩
To All
From my home to yours…
Wishes from the Garden
Monday’s Deadline
Nothing to brag about…
Saturday
Who turned up the heat? Or is that just my anxiety? I’ll go ahead and call it; anxiety. I am finding that stuffing things away tricks my mind into thinking I am doing a fine job. I have a dresser that wasn’t pictured in my last post. It is in the closet. I forgot to disclose the drawers need rummaging through. As do these few remaining boxes but I can’t seem to begin on the boxes and I’ll be honest, the dresser wasn’t in the original plan of Monday’s deadline.
My anxiety spiked as I was sorting through my binder clips. Yes, I have many to sort through. I made my way through with dignity. Fighting anxiety and negative self-talk I remembered the mandatory meeting for work at 4pm. This became my excuse to exit my studio.
Sunday: It’s My Birthday!!
The first Sunday of the month Mister and I spend the day with my Ma. Last Sunday I made enchiladas to take to my Baby Momma (my daughter’s stepmom) so we forfeit our visit until this Sunday. I woke up ready to power through the remaining boxes. One box down and time caught me at a stopping point. Now at my mothers my mind wants to be sorting. I feel distracted but I was happy to arrive at a stopping point. Who’s to say I’d be sorting if I were home.
We ventured out to lunch at an organic-focused restaurant where my daughter once worked. Ma suggested a slice of cake to celebrate my special day. I forgot to mention – Mister made me strawberries and creme cake ☺️
While eating a slice Ma suggests we take an ice cream cake home where Girl Other, Kid, and B.I.L. (brother-in-law) wait our arrival. After we shop at my second favorite store we scoop the cake and head to the house. After a short visit, we head home to our house an hour away.
Monday 🤭
It isn’t evening yet but I’ll call it. I knocked out the one box, leaving one. Mister woke up today feeling ill…probably from all the cake!! I had to run to town to get different pants for work. And now… I am ready for an early afternoon nap. Am I pathetic?
Since this has turned into a play-by-play, I’ll finish it that way. I was able to find my work pants after trying on six pairs. I also had to get new solid black shoes and I scored on those. I bought the dogs in my family their Christmas toys. And I wrapped two gifts. I’m calling it a day. The finale studio post will be once my wall system is hung, Christmas is put up, and when the stars align. Lol. Jk. I’ll do it soon. Maybe a video tour! Who knows??
How did your weekend go? Do you still have shopping left to do?
An Introduction
A fun flashback to 2018 detailing R.O.E.’s categories.
An Introduction
I am always trying to think of ways to make my blog stand out in a sea of blogs but also wanting to invent trendy ways of bringing blogs together.
The first example of this was by creating my own niche. I did this in an effort to make those of us who discuss many topics feel a sense of belonging. Having a niche topic works for some and for those of us that feel it limits us, I now offer the unconventional lifestyle niche. Please feel free to label your site as so if this fits your style!! I would be so honored.
That led me to decide on An Introduction, which will be a brief intro to the categories within my blog. So… I must backtrack and present to you the ones that have been established thus far here on R.O.E. and also introduce a new category.
Personal growth & goals
This is a category created to document the efforts and tools put into place for my personal growth. I am passionate about this category. It is in its infancy as am I. 2019 is my year to focus on uncovering and revealing the true me. It will be a raw experience with the hopes of life-changing results.
I do wonder if I will get anything out of it, I must admit. I am also hesitant about the vulnerability that comes with it but I trust my readers with my crazy, so to speak. We shall see. If it feels like too much I will slow my roll.
Planning & Organization
Each of the categories is pretty self-explanatory. Having co-occurring illnesses it is vital to living with a daily routine/schedule. This helps keep surprises at bay and allows for preparation, mental, for changing environments.
Less clutter has been proven to be a good thing for our mental health. Eliminating the chaos from our immediate surrounds gives us the opportunity to be productive. Clutter is a distraction and can increase anxiety. Over the course of a year, I plan to organize every aspect of my life. This will require a plan.
Thanks to social media, I discovered what I have done all along now has a name and a community. It is called creative planning and if you like crafty things, you will love creative planning! Stay tuned to find out more.
Mental Health & Recovery
It is what it says. Anything having to do with mental health, substance abuse, alcoholism, bipolar, OCD, healthy tips, and tricks, etc. This category is one that is personal to my heart and my life. I am diagnosed bipolar 1, anxiety, and OCD. I received my diagnosis in January 2017 after living 38 years in complete disarray.
Holiday Greetings
I noticed when I wanted to acknowledge a holiday that the post didn’t have a category so I created one! (Surprised?). Holiday Greeting is for those posts wishing my readers a day of enjoyment.
R.O.E. Need To Know
This category is for information regarding this blog. Anything related specifically to the operations, simple additions and information I decide to share about this site with my readers. My curiosity leaves me wondering about the how to’s and why’s in life and I established this category for those of you who may be curious like me. 🙂
Creative and Collective
This is a new category that I haven’t published a post for but I am excited to bring it to R.O.E. When this site (not R.O.E., long story) was first established it was dedicated to exploring my creative side. While I don’t consider it a fail I felt boxed into a niche that I wasn’t familiar with. I didn’t want to scrap the entire idea rather integrate my newfound hobbies.
It is here I will discuss my handmade products and boast about the things that I collect. These items include paper, vintage ephemera, purses, and glasses. We all have small things that bring big joy to our lives and these are mine.
More to Come…
A few more will be added and with them, come an introduction. I created a category menu that can be found at the bottom of the site. Click on one of them and it will take you to the posts that have been categorized under the listed category. I used the social menu to create these category menus and that added them to the top of my site as well. They showed up as WordPress logo buttons instead of the category name. You can use those as well.
If this idea inspires you to create a menu similar to mine, I encourage you to do so. If you decide to classify your blog as An Unconventional Lifestyle blog, link to this or any other post so I can check it out.
Discipline
Hahahaha!!!
Discipline
Now that I titled my post Discipline, it is imperative that I acknowledge this as exactly what I lack. Have always lacked. There. I said it. Ugh!! *as I air kick – my infamous brat gesture*
The concept of discipline, I understand. The results, rewarding. I get it. Decades ago, prior to the birth of my child and until she was 10 (she turns 19 in February), I were regimented. From fourth grade and throughout my first three years of college, I trained in dance. I received a, paid in full tuition; including books, scholarship. So … I am familiar with adhering to a strict schedule.
In February of 2002, I traded in my dance shoes for mom sandels. Instinctively, I knew the importance routine plays, in the life of a child. I found our groove and we stuck to it until my “functional” addiction broke loose and wrecked havoc on our robotic life. The last shred of disciplined evidence can be traced back to 2012-2013, thanks to my one year stint(s) in and out of inpatient rehab *sigh*.
The difference between then and now is motivation. Dance was introduced at such a young age that I considered it part of my life. I belonged to competition teams therein lie the motivator. Free college for doing what I love?!?! Sure. Motivation. Then of course, my daughter. Someone who relied on me for everything. I wouldn’t change it for the world, although, short lived.
I find myself in a which came first scenerio; the chicken or the egg? Is motivation a requirement for discipline or are the results of discipline the motivator?
I try to wrap my mind around forcing myself to do something when I do not want to but dare I say that ship sunk to the ocean floor? My only child works two jobs (her choice and strongly discouraged against), attends college full time and my dancing days, I save for my living room. Self-motivated isn’t an adjective I use to describe myself.
Same Problem Everyday
Once again my problem is solved with the ever elusive balance many obtain and I seek. Psst. Like … Whatever! 😬
… Nonetheless persistence prevails a priceless achievement!! I bet you never guessed I would conclude with an accomplishment, did ya?!?! Well surprise, surprise! After a solid year of organizing, reorganizing, combining, avoiding, stashing, and trashing, I have finally created an inspiring, orderly home studio!!! My most proud aspect is the probability for productivity. The set up is actually that; a purposeful arrangement.
By no means is it easy to conquer a room dominated by paper, stocked to the brim with the necessary tools to operate an at home craft business but … I did it!!
My accumulation of tools and supplies piled on layers to a sense of defeat that encompassed me yet without a systematic approach, I am doomed to flop. So … I constructed a plan, kept it to myself despite how it appeared and I began.
I quit adding to my stash and began collecting organization containers that suited my needs. While I had plenty of Instagram worthy display containers, I fell short on shelving. By the same token, glass isn’t what I consider to be functional, in terms of stow away organization. Easy on the eyes, yes, but limited on actual storage of.
Begin with what you know!
By beginning with the knowledge that I require a few sizable containers, for 12×12 papers as well as vintage magazines which are taller yet more narrow, I established a starting point.
The flat storage containers that slide under the bed made the cut. I purchased four of this style with the handle clasp lid closure. Savings tip: Purchase containers in this size in August. It is the time of year for sending young adults off to college and all of the sturdy Rubbermaid products go on sale. You’re welcome 🤭
Staying with my black and white asthetic, I took advantage of this yearly sale (the cash in my pocket helped) and purchased two large file baskets. They are plastic and sturdy for $6.00 (each). FYI: I am a budget shopper, however, I do not sacrifice quality where it is necessary.
Learning to be gentle with myself
This gave me the momentum to begin. Then I hit a mental road block. Complete and utter overwhelm. I couldn’t enter the room. By this point I felt ungrateful and consumed with self-doubt for not being able to create amongst the chaos that was. After several failed attempts, I called in backup aka my Ma ❤️ She came through like a sargent. She knows how to handle me 😂😳. I “yes ma’am” -d my way through for the sake of my sanity and dignity. I’ll be the first to admit that I need help every so often and maybe I need it more often than others and that is okay. Progress is progress.
Over months time I purchased small, medium, and large clear plastic refrigerator trays, ten in total. Every so often I would purchase one or two while on sale at the dollar store or grab some when I had a few extra dollars from Walmart. They make perfect project bins. My final purchases came from the Dollar Tree. These were spontaneous purchases. The style and size are perfect but the quality lacks. My vision was to store 6×6 paper pads and small cardstock. The design aspect that appeals to me is the carrying capability which these totes offer, however, they are more suitable for lightweight items. I adore the concept and the price point, unbeatable. I will utilize them just not how I imagined.
Moral of the Story
I am super proud of myself for tackling this feat. Could it have been accomplished in less than a year? Sure. But I doubt to my satisfaction.
Life in 2020 changed me. I will say for the better. It exposed my ugly. It strengthened my soul. A gentle side resurfaced. A part of me I wasn’t sure I’d ever reach again. The results being a more forgiving version of myself. This post is proof. Forgiveness is about oneself. It is easy, habitual realistically, for me to be extra critical on myself. But today, I am mindful that I too deserve forgiveness.
Personal insight alert
Roughly 14 years ago I got a tattoo on my left collar bone. It is backwards so it reads correctly in the mirror. It says forgive. I would be lying if I said I see it or if I knew the weight of it’s positioning, meaning, and depth when I got it. Ironic? Perhaps not.
Revenge of Eve 