#journal – Revenge of Eve

Truck’n Along

Holla!

I am happy to report a more positive mindset. That is part of depression lessening and part of medication reaching its shelf life in my system. I am about 20 days free from the antipsychotic I was taking.

I have actual feelings. I mean, I feel things in my gut and when I am medicated, that tingle isn’t there. I’ve had two restless nights, my appetite has decreased (common for me), and I haven’t felt irritable. All good signs. I am paying attention to my tolerance levels. How well I tolerate “life” is a good indicator of my stability.

Not too long ago I mentioned making a journal for a co-worker. I said I would take photos but I didn’t. Damn laziness. Well, the receiver of the journal has commissioned me to make two for her daughters. She will gift them at Christmas. The two are close in age and are pre-teen (12ish). Lucky me I have some covers and signatures already sized for one another. All that they require is binding and embellishments. I am pleased with the content of the pages for a teen journal. There is plenty of room that encourages writing. Most, if not all, of the pages have ruling on them and are bright white. My design theory says that teens aren’t so into vintage so the white paper is perfect! (I could be wrong) I’ve chosen a solid color to decorate with throughout each journal. One seafoam green and the other purple.

A girls face mixed media project — Mixed media journal page by me

Idol Time

During my downtime, I have taken to YouTube. Would you consider that social media? Just curious. I feel it is more of an instructional platform but that’s neither here nor there. I mention this because I stumbled upon a DIYer who has like 77k subscribers – that’s a lot – and aside from her videos I looked at her comment section. One video had over 200 comments and she liked like the first 3-5 comments and did not reply to one. This irks me enough to be here discussing it. First of all why even have the comment section available if you aren’t going to chat with your fans? They are obviously fans or they wouldn’t be subscribed. Amiright? Second of all how does someone have that many followers when they do not engage with the community?

I don’t subscribe to just anyone’s account. I am particular. But I accidentally hit the subscribe button while on her channel. I immediately unsubscribed because I hadn’t seen enough of her channel. That’s when I ventured into the comment section and saw her lack of engagement. Just from that alone, I will not subscribe to her channel. And it’s sad because she had some decent content, at least that’s what I saw from watching three of her videos. I know my follow doesn’t make or break her. She is established and kudos to her but how? From content alone? Am I expecting too much from a stranger who offers inspiration in the DIY community?

I’ll be honest, I just think it’s rude as hell to not at least like a complimentary comment. I mean, every comment left encouraged her to keep creating, continue doing what she does, etc… All positive, confidence-boosting love and nothing. No response from her. Like, how dare her. How? Why? 🤔 I literally stopped what I was doing to add this to this post. I wanted to put it in her comment section but I thought what’s the point? Seeing this infuriates me and yet it’s none of my business.

What I can do is come to the platform I use and express my gratitude to those of you who care to read what I have to say. No, I don’t offer step-by-step instructions on how to do something. Hell, I don’t even share science-backed information. I’m just a woman sharing her story and perspective of the world. The most important aspect of sharing is acknowledging the audience who encourages me, supports me, and interacts with me. That’s the least I can do. So with all that said, thank you to each of you who read, comment, or like. I will always keep the mindset of y’alls importance to my space. I appreciate the time you borrow from your day to read what I have to say.

Creative Fun

Moving on. I am determined to learn to draw a face (seen above). I have been practicing different styles of noses, eyes, and lips. I haven’t quite got the hair down yet or the ears but those will come in due time. Here are a few sketches I’ve done. I am obsessed with drawing them 😂

Not too shabby for a beginner if I do say so myself. Progress, not perfection. I am teaching myself highlight and contour via make-up tutorials on Pinterest. Really I am just using the images of a few pins to guide me. I’ve done a little shading but I am not familiar enough to shade a face using a pencil. I will, however, use vibrant oil pastels, using light and dark variations of the same color. You can see that in the first photo. I am super proud of her. I like her.

Well, that’s about it for me. How ‘bout you? Don’t forget to share your opinion about the YouTube hoopla. Am I being over-dramatic?

Size Does Matter!

Tisk, Tisk

Whoever said size doesn’t matter has never carried a notebook or planner 😉 I’m back today to discuss notebook/planner sizes. Surely you didn’t think since having found the holy grail of notebooks that my romance with stationery ended. Pst.

A Standard

Here’s a quick rundown. Paper sizes are measured on a standard paper size scale. International Standard Organization (ISO) specifies paper sizes used in most countries except for the U.S. and Canada which size their own sizing standard.

*The link provided goes in-depth about the differences between countries’ paper sizes.

There are a lot of mathematical formulas behind A, B, and C paper sizes but the common feature is that any successive paper size measurement is determined by halving the dimensions of the preceding one.

I use the ISO paper sizing chart for a few reasons. One is because I use a travelers notebook system and another reason is for ease when ordering products online.

• Click the link to learn more about this unique system. You won’t regret it 😉

Notebook size comparison photo — Notebook size comparison

Write or Type

Analog systems are fully customizable. Did I mention handwriting is linked to mental health benefits and memory retention? A paper system can include but is not limited to planners, journals, common books, and sketchbooks. A basic notebook is a handy reference tool for meetings or classroom notes.

In today’s climate, high-tech phones have all but replaced the practice of analog systems. Computer files replaced filing cabinets. And the cloud did away with photo albums. The common denominator; access. With a handheld device and the push of a button, information is at our fingertips. This access rewards the instant gratification we’ve become accustomed to.

Similar to its predecessor notebooks store information. And with the market still intact, stationery companies have evolved, offering a variety of sizes. Just as technology has gone from a desktop to our hands, notebooks evolved from a backpack to our pocket.

On the Go or At Home?

The flexibility an analog system offers, while reaping other benefits, makes it my preferred method of recording and creating. However, I am not fully analog. I rely on technology for blogging, editing, an alarm clock, a calculator, and shopping.

As for my size preference, I utilize different sizes depending on if I am home or mobile. If I am going places I prefer easy to carry. Creating on the go is done with limited supplies. Small and minimal art is usually the result. Currently, I use a passport-sized travelers notebook. At home the opposite is true. I express myself creatively in large, sometimes oversized books. Accessibility is a key factor.

Image of my passport and A5 journals — Ahhh! Beauties 😉

My journal, on the other hand, is an A5. An average size notebook. I need more room when I am writing than creating. Yes, I carry both every day! A fun little insight: an EDC is an everyday carry. A cute acronym present in the stationery community. My journal isn’t exclusive to writing. The paper in my journal handles a variety of mediums including watercolor. I am 100% satisfied with A5 for use as my journal but I am itching to try the personal size for on-the-go creating.

That’s the beauty of analog. You can switch it up without breaking the bank. Part of the appeal of travelers’ journaling is the personalization and aesthetic. There are SO many options to choose from!! Makers create covers using all kinds of materials but the ones made of leather are a true investment. I own two leather travelers journals, a passport, and a regular size, each from different companies but both cherished tools.

One Woman’s Quest to Find the Perfect Notebook

Humble Beginnings

To some, paper is paper. But for others, paper offers an appreciation as a multipurpose medium. An avenue of expression.

I remember vividly, standing mesmerized by Lisa Frank folders for the first time. The bright colors and animal theme spoke to me. Her designs stood apart from her competitors on the school supply aisle. I imagine this is where stationery lovers are introduced to their beloved, during school supply season. Wide or college ruling, mechanical or wooden pencils, blue or black ink…slim pickings for a future connoisseur.

As my love for stationery evolves, so does the desire for a particular substrate. Ink, paper, and other tools tempt my pocketbook, varying in quality, color, and size. The exploration of stationery is finite. Herein lies a challenge. Where does one start?

Paper Passion

I began with paper. First I set out to discover my ruling type. I purchased cheap grid notebooks, dot ruled journals, and plain paper. My amateur self chose college over wide-ruled but my curiosity led me to see what the hype was about using other ruling styles.

My first ever premium notebook purchase was a Clairefontaine notebook with Seyes-ruling or French ruling. This style of ruling uses a combination of grid and lines originally intended to help those learning handwriting maintain consistent height and spacing of letters. While the ruling and quality of paper impressed me, I had chosen a cover and size that wasn’t for me. My search continued.

Down the rabbit hole I went. I was floating in a paradise of paper. Admittedly, I got distracted and purchased pretty notebooks with poor-quality paper. I needed focus. With so many options and no preference for ruling, I switched my attention to finding a brand that I align with. I set down some guidelines and off I went.

What I Gathered

Impulse buys taught me that I do not want the ruling to stand out. It distracts me. I prefer white over cream-colored paper. I also concluded that bleed-through is not acceptable. Ever. With these specifics in mind I forged forward on my quest.

In Support of Community

I will not list all of the brands that impress me. But I will say that commercially produced stationery is no longer an option. Not for my personal use. Instead I scout out other passionate stationery enthusiasts to make my purchases. On my mission, looking for a brand to support, I stumbled upon Galen Leather.

Enough can’t be said about this company. You should check em out. Their story is beautiful and the craftsmanship, top notch.

By this time I caught wind of the cult-like following of Tomoe River paper. With child-like exploration I dove head first into the frenzy. I could barely contain my excitement when I saw The Everyday notebook filled with this glorious paper on Galen Leather’s website! And even better, the notebook boasts 400 pages of this luxury paper. I pulled the trigger and never looked back. If you would’ve asked me 5 years ago if I would spend thirty dollars on a notebook, I’d think you were crazy.

But wait! There’s More

In true Candace fashion, while I was satisfied, I couldn’t extinguish the flame to try the dot grid. My exploration continued once more. I took to the world’s largest retailer, Amazon. I popped Tomoe River dot grid notebook in the search bar and up pops the Namani Crossfield Seven Seas notebook. featuring cross grid. Yes. Instead of a dot, there is a faint cross that helps guide horizontal and vertical lines. Much to my surprise, this notebook has 80 more pages!! I couldn’t resist. I sent the link to my boyfriend and within a few days, I held it in my hands. Finally, paper peace, packaged in a flat-lay notebook (click the link above for specs).

I have arrived.

Are you looking to spoil yourself? If so, I highly recommend both of these notebooks. The paper is fountain pen friendly, no bleed-through, thin, smooth…ah Best of all, you can use watercolor with beautiful results. My quest is a self-funded exploration. I am not an affiliate. You don’t have to be a paper lover to appreciate these notebooks. Give one a try!!

What excites you?

How Self-Aware Are You: Part 2

How Self-Aware Are You?

Motivation and Desire

Welcome back to the discussion about self-awareness: The most important aspect of self-improvement (IMO). The starting point of a rewarding yet emotional journey.

Find Part 1 here

In our previous discussion, we expanded on the definition of self-awareness. We explored character traits and feelings. Part 2 of this two-part series will dive into motive and desire. As a refresher let’s define self-awareness.

Self-awareness is the conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motive, and desire.

Motive

For reference sake, let’s define what motive is. According to Oxford Language, motive is a reason for doing something, especially one that is hidden or not obvious.

Keep in mind that these topics can be interpreted a million ways. Both parts of this series are meant to be basic and a stepping stone to start your personal journey of improvement. Remember I am not a licensed therapist.

((Full disclosure: I lived sick in this area of my life more than I’ve not. I have grown significantly, however, my objective view on motive is skewed and underdeveloped…Soooo instead of wasting your time, I did some reading and this is what I gathered about motive 🤓))

Guess what?? I suggest using pen and paper to list your motive(s)? Write em down. Next to it – be honest – write pro or con.

Princeton WordNet offers a more descriptive definition of motive. One that I align with.

the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal; the reason for the action; that which gives purpose and direction to behavior.

123test.com says this: motives are about what sets people in motion. For example, are you more interested in autonomy and individual freedom or is it power and status that drive you? The following motives are commonly distinguished:

Financial reward: importance one attaches to high income, materialism;
Power and influence: desire to be able to lead or influence other people and events;
Altruism: contributing to the bigger picture and making one’s own financial interests or other interests secondary to this;
Self-development: work in which there’s room to develop yourself further;
Creativity: coming up with new ideas or products, being actively involved in creation;
Social contacts: conviviality and friendship;
Autonomy: independence and being able to make decisions oneself;
Security: holding long-term security in high regard, e.g. pension, permanent income and one’s own house in which one can continue to live for a long time;
Status and prestige: impression or appearance is the more important motive, e.g. through money or a specialisation;
Variety: plenty of different types of work;
Structure: work that consists in set routines and tasks;
Influence: being able to determine what other people have to do and influencing decisions;
Work-life balance: work that fits in well with your personal life and ties in favourably with your free time;
Working conditions: nice workplace, nice building, nice location, favourable working conditions.

Use the above information to guide your list. I will do the same. Moving on.

Desire

a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.

Forgive me as I work through this aloud. I’m afraid it is hard to differentiate between desire and motive. By definition, desire is a feeling whereas motive is a reason. Still, close, to me. And since this post is meant to be informational, I Googled it 😉

My Findings

Ironyoflife.com has this to say:

Desire and motivation are not the same thing. Desire is wanting to do something, but motivation is making it happen. You need a desire to have motivation, but you do not need motivation to have a desire.

“When we talk about our goals, we usually define them in terms of why they are our goals and how we’re going to achieve them. To describe them this way, we tend to use the words “motivation” and “desire” interchangeably.”

Yeah, what they said 😉

I strongly encourage you to read the article I linked if you want to explore further. And that’s about it for part 2 of this two-part series. If you find yourself unsure of where to start your self-improvement journey, start with self-awareness. The key is honesty, acceptance, and kindness. One step at a time.

Until next time. I hope this post inspires you to begin.

Candace

Attitude Adjustment

Just when I think my depression is waning, it waxes. Ugh! Since September of 21, I have been battling laziness. As soon as I overcome my laziness in pops depression. Why? Is it the heat? Is it the never-ending demands of my job? Is it the new puppy we adopted? Or is it simply the way depression operates? I’ll never know for certain but I think it’s a combination of it all. You would think that I would have accepted it by now. Accepted that bipolar depression is not something that I can control. I can, however, look after my mindset and my outlook. Sure it’s difficult but it makes a world of difference.

I am grateful for:

Creativity

A roof over my head

Air conditioning in my home and in my car (it’s fixed🤗)

Hope in my heart

Compassion

And last but not least,

my job.

I have been having creative spurts that I am using to make a coworker a journal. Her birthday is in November and me carrying my notebook prompted her to share that she too likes to write. So…what better gift than a handmade journal, right? I will make sure to take pics of the final product to show y’all. I wish I had done that with the others I have gifted. In total, I’ve made about 15. Two of the fifteen were ordered while the remaining 13 were given as gifts. The most typical response I’ve received is, I don’t want to mess it up!! Everyone is afraid to add their artwork to them so with that in mind I made this one with bare bones and included matching papers for use by the new owner. Problem solved. I hope.

I have a three-bedroom, two-bath home with 2 acres of land. It is made a home having Mister, two pups, and a cat. We live in a state that has many days of heat advisory so having central heat and air conditioning is a must. We are fortunate to have it because not everyone does. You may remember me saying that my car’s a.c. was acting up. It is now working making my drive to work tolerable.

Despite the weight of depression, I have hope in my heart for better days. This hope extends beyond my depression. It reminds me that with compassion for myself and others I will survive. And last on my list, work. I am grateful to be employed and to pay my bills on time. Work is more stressful than not but I push through each shift with a smile on my face. Sometimes my smile will drop but I do my best to remember that the shift doesn’t last forever. We are short-staffed. This inevitably puts more strain on the existing staff. Working in the restaurant business comes with its own struggles so adding more work presents a difficult dynamic. It seems a vicious cycle that my employer can’t seem to get ahead of.

This practice of gratitude helped shift my attitude from blah to grateful. Some days this practice isn’t easy. Yeah, it’s easy to write a list but to truly honor that list you’ve got to sit with it. I am fortunate in many ways that when I am feeling cheated or slighted I have plenty to remind myself of. Just having my basic needs met is enough to cherish. Do you ever find yourself in a rut of ungratefulness? What helps you to appreciate what you have?

Until next time

xoxo

Monday Morning Mantra

Welcome to Revenge of Eve’s

MONDAY MORNING MANTRA

Each Monday I shuffle and draw two cards from two sources, a box set and a deck. The box set boasts encouragement, self-love, goals and focus while the deck affirms our individual power. I then use the two cards to guide me throughout the week. I place the cards on my refrigerator as a visual reference and I write them daily in my journal as written reference. If I find myself experiencing unwanted emotions or challenging thoughts I refer to the cards drawn. I have found this to be an empowering and powerful exercise. One that I decided to share with my readers.

This week’s Monday Morning Mantra is going to be a little different. I am not drawing cards from any deck but I will leave you with three very important affirmations to guide your week.

I am enough

I am whole

I am worthy

I think simplicity is the key this week. Keep these three affirmations at the forefront of your mind. Say them aloud. Say them to yourself in the mirror. Write them in your journal. Recite them however you choose. The goal here is for you to believe them. Your encouragement for the week is:

Keep it simple!

Give me some feedback!! Has this series helped you throughout your week? Do you use affirmations in your daily life? Let me know in the comments.

Until next week!! Remember, keep it simple! Xoxo – Candace

Madness

It's weight
Savage
Mind
Body
Soul
It ravages 
Depleting on
Average
All it passes
Familiar
Heavy
And did I mention 
Savage?
Soul-sucking
Unapologetic
Madness
Turmoil
Chaos
Damage
Silent
Overwhelming 
Sadness
Apathetic
Numb
Indifferent 
Recovery