Truck’n Along

Holla!

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I am happy to report a more positive mindset. That is part of depression lessening and part of medication reaching its shelf life in my system. I am about 20 days free from the antipsychotic I was taking.

I have actual feelings. I mean, I feel things in my gut and when I am medicated, that tingle isn’t there. I’ve had two restless nights, my appetite has decreased (common for me), and I haven’t felt irritable. All good signs. I am paying attention to my tolerance levels. How well I tolerate “life” is a good indicator of my stability.

Not too long ago I mentioned making a journal for a co-worker. I said I would take photos but I didn’t. Damn laziness. Well, the receiver of the journal has commissioned me to make two for her daughters. She will gift them at Christmas. The two are close in age and are pre-teen (12ish). Lucky me I have some covers and signatures already sized for one another. All that they require is binding and embellishments. I am pleased with the content of the pages for a teen journal. There is plenty of room that encourages writing. Most, if not all, of the pages have ruling on them and are bright white. My design theory says that teens aren’t so into vintage so the white paper is perfect! (I could be wrong) I’ve chosen a solid color to decorate with throughout each journal. One seafoam green and the other purple.

Mixed media journal page by me

Idol Time

During my downtime, I have taken to YouTube. Would you consider that social media? Just curious. I feel it is more of an instructional platform but that’s neither here nor there. I mention this because I stumbled upon a DIYer who has like 77k subscribers – that’s a lot – and aside from her videos I looked at her comment section. One video had over 200 comments and she liked like the first 3-5 comments and did not reply to one. This irks me enough to be here discussing it. First of all why even have the comment section available if you aren’t going to chat with your fans? They are obviously fans or they wouldn’t be subscribed. Amiright? Second of all how does someone have that many followers when they do not engage with the community?

I don’t subscribe to just anyone’s account. I am particular. But I accidentally hit the subscribe button while on her channel. I immediately unsubscribed because I hadn’t seen enough of her channel. That’s when I ventured into the comment section and saw her lack of engagement. Just from that alone, I will not subscribe to her channel. And it’s sad because she had some decent content, at least that’s what I saw from watching three of her videos. I know my follow doesn’t make or break her. She is established and kudos to her but how? From content alone? Am I expecting too much from a stranger who offers inspiration in the DIY community?

I’ll be honest, I just think it’s rude as hell to not at least like a complimentary comment. I mean, every comment left encouraged her to keep creating, continue doing what she does, etc… All positive, confidence-boosting love and nothing. No response from her. Like, how dare her. How? Why? 🤔 I literally stopped what I was doing to add this to this post. I wanted to put it in her comment section but I thought what’s the point? Seeing this infuriates me and yet it’s none of my business.

What I can do is come to the platform I use and express my gratitude to those of you who care to read what I have to say. No, I don’t offer step-by-step instructions on how to do something. Hell, I don’t even share science-backed information. I’m just a woman sharing her story and perspective of the world. The most important aspect of sharing is acknowledging the audience who encourages me, supports me, and interacts with me. That’s the least I can do. So with all that said, thank you to each of you who read, comment, or like. I will always keep the mindset of y’alls importance to my space. I appreciate the time you borrow from your day to read what I have to say.

Creative Fun

Moving on. I am determined to learn to draw a face (seen above). I have been practicing different styles of noses, eyes, and lips. I haven’t quite got the hair down yet or the ears but those will come in due time. Here are a few sketches I’ve done. I am obsessed with drawing them 😂

Not too shabby for a beginner if I do say so myself. Progress, not perfection. I am teaching myself highlight and contour via make-up tutorials on Pinterest. Really I am just using the images of a few pins to guide me. I’ve done a little shading but I am not familiar enough to shade a face using a pencil. I will, however, use vibrant oil pastels, using light and dark variations of the same color. You can see that in the first photo. I am super proud of her. I like her.

Well, that’s about it for me. How ‘bout you? Don’t forget to share your opinion about the YouTube hoopla. Am I being over-dramatic?

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Size Does Matter!

Tisk, Tisk

Whoever said size doesn’t matter has never carried a notebook or planner 😉 I’m back today to discuss notebook/planner sizes. Surely you didn’t think since having found the holy grail of notebooks that my romance with stationery ended. Pst.

A Standard

Here’s a quick rundown. Paper sizes are measured on a standard paper size scale. International Standard Organization (ISO) specifies paper sizes used in most countries except for the U.S. and Canada which size their own sizing standard.

*The link provided goes in-depth about the differences between countries’ paper sizes.

There are a lot of mathematical formulas behind A, B, and C paper sizes but the common feature is that any successive paper size measurement is determined by halving the dimensions of the preceding one.

I use the ISO paper sizing chart for a few reasons. One is because I use a travelers notebook system and another reason is for ease when ordering products online.

• Click the link to learn more about this unique system. You won’t regret it 😉

Notebook size comparison

Write or Type

Analog systems are fully customizable. Did I mention handwriting is linked to mental health benefits and memory retention? A paper system can include but is not limited to planners, journals, common books, and sketchbooks. A basic notebook is a handy reference tool for meetings or classroom notes.

In today’s climate, high-tech phones have all but replaced the practice of analog systems. Computer files replaced filing cabinets. And the cloud did away with photo albums. The common denominator; access. With a handheld device and the push of a button, information is at our fingertips. This access rewards the instant gratification we’ve become accustomed to.

Similar to its predecessor notebooks store information. And with the market still intact, stationery companies have evolved, offering a variety of sizes. Just as technology has gone from a desktop to our hands, notebooks evolved from a backpack to our pocket.

On the Go or At Home?

The flexibility an analog system offers, while reaping other benefits, makes it my preferred method of recording and creating. However, I am not fully analog. I rely on technology for blogging, editing, an alarm clock, a calculator, and shopping.

As for my size preference, I utilize different sizes depending on if I am home or mobile. If I am going places I prefer easy to carry. Creating on the go is done with limited supplies. Small and minimal art is usually the result. Currently, I use a passport-sized travelers notebook. At home the opposite is true. I express myself creatively in large, sometimes oversized books. Accessibility is a key factor.

Ahhh! Beauties 😉

My journal, on the other hand, is an A5. An average size notebook. I need more room when I am writing than creating. Yes, I carry both every day! A fun little insight: an EDC is an everyday carry. A cute acronym present in the stationery community. My journal isn’t exclusive to writing. The paper in my journal handles a variety of mediums including watercolor. I am 100% satisfied with A5 for use as my journal but I am itching to try the personal size for on-the-go creating.

That’s the beauty of analog. You can switch it up without breaking the bank. Part of the appeal of travelers’ journaling is the personalization and aesthetic. There are SO many options to choose from!! Makers create covers using all kinds of materials but the ones made of leather are a true investment. I own two leather travelers journals, a passport, and a regular size, each from different companies but both cherished tools.

How Self-Aware Are You? Part 1

Please bear with me as I switch up my original format. Today’s post is meant to assist others in self-evaluation motivated by my personal experience. I am not a professional and the following advice is not a substitute for licensed opinion.

Today’s topic is an important one in the realm of self-improvement. Stepping up to the plate and acknowledging our behaviors takes courage. But bravery alone doesn’t get the job done. It takes work. That work begins with self-awareness. It is an ongoing process with reward. Before we dive into the most important aspect of growth, let’s define what it means.

Self-awareness is the conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motive, and desire.

A simple definition with loads of personal responsibility. Let’s elaborate and break it on down, shall we?

In life we learn there is only one thing we can control and that is our reaction to situations. In order to obtain that control one must be aware of their own feelings. For a semblance of order dispersed across the board, one needs to be aligned with their motives and desires.

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True intentions come with a bagful of surprises if we aren’t aware of why our outcomes aren’t what we expected.

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Desire is the motivator of intention. It is the driving force masked behind the action. It is important to evaluate this definition because while it’s simply read, it packs a punch. And if you are at the beginning of a self-improvement journey, it’s vital that it begins with the knowledge of your responsibility in the process.

Life is a journey, not a destination

Ralf Waldo Emerson

Are You Ready to Start the Work? Good because that’s the first step!

First:

Let’s get out a notebook (or your journal) and start putting things down. The process of actual handwriting and creating lists makes us 40% more likely to remember the content. This is some important work we are embarking on so we’ll take all the backup we can get!! So grab your pen and paper, I’ll wait 😉

Define Your Character

Character is defined as the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual. What qualities do you consider unique to yourself? This doesn’t mean that others don’t share certain qualities it just means that these are guidelines that govern you. These are things that you stand by, your definite, your no-go’s. Get specific. These can be characteristics that you are proud of or a list of characteristics you want to work on. I think it is important to list both as that shows true self-awareness (personal opinion).

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Keep in mind while reading my examples that these are present-day examples and characteristics I have developed over time with commitment, determination, and stubbornness. My list looked far different in the beginning. The importance is to be brutally honest with yourself and then use kindness to improve.

Personal examples:

1. I do not allow others to skew my reality for the benefit of their own. I expect others to hold themselves accountable just as I hold myself. If I make a mistake, I own it without beating myself up.

2. I do not join in on gossiping. If and when the conversation is turned to me, I consciously shift the conversation to the subject matter at hand, the underline problem not a particular person. And if that isn’t possible I point out that we all possess less than desirable traits and that I cannot speak to anyone else’s character defaults as I have my own to worry about.

3. A character default I used to have was overgeneralizing. I still struggle with this one a little but I’m not as attached to it as I once was. I used to be a pretty black/white thinker. It either is or it isn’t but I’ve grown to learn that depending on the circumstances things can be a little grey instead. This one requires that I work on broadening my view. And I do my best. I am still pretty much a yes or no person.

4. If asked, I tell the truth despite popular consensus or the possibility of hurt feelings. If not asked and there is a possibility it goes against the grain, I do my best to keep it to myself or withhold my opinion because that is all it is, my opinion. I work to keep the unsolicited advice to myself.

Those are a few examples of my mental character that I am proud of but continue to work on. A list of my morals would look like this:

1. I am compassionate, always

2. I am fair, always

3. I am not judgemental. As far as I am aware I am not, however, I do judge and to not sway myself with my own opinion, I work hard to shift my perspective to view each circumstance objectively.

4. I am on a continuous path of growth and I show my gratitude by encouraging others to do the same. I share my lessons with honesty and suggestion keeping one aspect in mind; kindness.

5. I mindfully aim to be patient. Previously, I considered myself impatient. I thought that was how I was and that was forever. I learned differently.

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Feelings

Feelings are defined as an emotional state or reaction. Writing these down serves a purpose when you arrive at a crossroads or when processing. We aren’t going to list our feelings today because they are constantly changing in response to stimuli. However, having a list of feeling words written down to reference or as a key for tracking is a suggestion.

The important work in self-awareness and feelings is to align yourself with how you feel. Can you separate feeling from a given situation to make a decision? Are you capable of recognizing when your emotions are responsible for undesirable results? Can you identify when you are overreacting based on past experiences?

Feelings are a tricky subject. They can guide you to do good or land you in a bind. There is a delicate balance you should aim to achieve by allowing your feelings, acknowledging them yet not being controlled by them. Our feelings are valid but they should not be the driving force behind decision-making. Making decisions is a skill set not everyone is equipped with so it goes to note that the two can be a tragedy waiting to happen.

To be self-aware is to be conscious. This consciousness allows room for one to acknowledge yet not become what they are feeling.

Conclusion

Just as with all areas of self-improvement we can elaborate but learning the basics is the goal of this two-part series. Coming to understand our role in our evolution is critical for growth. It is a never-ending task but one well worth the effort.

Stay tuned for part two of the discussion where I expand on motive and desire. Until then create a list of the characteristics that need improving. Also, take the time to acknowledge how situations make you feel and focus on not allowing the feeling to determine your result. The two of these are a great starting point for becoming self-aware. You’ve gotta know where you come from to know where you are going. What better way than having a written record to reference when you reach the top?!?!

I hope you found this discussion informative. Let me know whatcha think in the comments. Are you new to self-improvement? How self-aware are you?

It Persists. I Create.

Depression is kicking my ass. I keep reminding myself this shall pass. It persists. Confirming it’s impression from days of past. No definite of how long this episode will last. It’s depth, vast. A shadow is cast.

A collage page from my journal

Often I am asked, what is wrong? Or what does depression feel like? Unfortunately, I have no answers but I’ll give it a go. It is constant. It is like an itch that cannot be scratched. There is a feeling there but no words to describe how it feels. If I had to choose a word I’d say, for myself, numb. Then I ponder if numb has a feeling considering… Void of feeling. Yet there is a feeling. Oh I got it!! It’s like white noise or static. It isn’t loud enough for others to hear. A constant hum that lingers despite tuning it out. Trying is describe depression is similar to catching a hummingbird. It’s a feeling rather a noise. A consistent noise that only you can feel.

A spread from my journal

Anyways

My creativity is at an all time high (not counting the past week spent in bed). What I love the most about using paper to create is if you don’t like what you created, you can use layers to cover it up and start over. At the beginning of July I decided I wanted to start carrying my passport size travelers journal. I did so to encourage creating on the go and to have a place for the random daily papers I sometimes accumulate. It’s worked out well. I will most likely continue carrying it. I themed this month’s mini journal “play”.

Words clipped from magazines make great journal pages

It has encouraged me to play using my creative mind. I think that’s where we go wrong as adults. We quit playing. I am guilty and I would like to apologize to myself for having stopped play.

While I am at it

I would also like to formerly apologize for discontinuing Monday Morning Mantra without notice. I’m not so certain those posts were a hit but if you liked them, my apologies. When I am in a slump the first thing to suffer is my productivity. And having a set posting schedule is part of a productive routine.

Just me, playing

Wrap’n it Up But First

I am fortunate to have a support system for when I am muddling my way through. I mean they are always there but more so during times of uncertainty. For instance, my Baby Momma (daughter’s step-mom) dropped in a random hello, how are you? Now she has seen me at my worst and still comes around yet only when it seems necessary. We have a soul connection. Perhaps I beckon her when I am down. Who knows but I do know that speaking with her and seeing my mother are about the only 2 things that counterbalance the yuck. I think it’s important to recognize such connections. During this episode I’ve also noticed the growth in my relationship when it comes to support. It has evolved. Just by acknowledging these two scenarios I bring light to the darkness that encompasses me. I think that’s a beautiful thing.

Ok, ok, okay

This post is all over the place so if you made it this far, thanks! It helps me to process by writing things out and lucky you, this is my soundboard. I went outside of my comfort zone and shared some photo’s from my journal for your viewing pleasure in hopes of it lessening the agony of reading my dribble. I’ve fallen behind on the newsletter but my intentions are to send some words that route soon. Don’t miss out. Subscribe!

How are you holding up?? Is the heat wave affecting your area?

Attitude Adjustment

Just when I think my depression is waning, it waxes. Ugh! Since September of 21, I have been battling laziness. As soon as I overcome my laziness in pops depression. Why? Is it the heat? Is it the never-ending demands of my job? Is it the new puppy we adopted? Or is it simply the way depression operates? I’ll never know for certain but I think it’s a combination of it all. You would think that I would have accepted it by now. Accepted that bipolar depression is not something that I can control. I can, however, look after my mindset and my outlook. Sure it’s difficult but it makes a world of difference.

I am grateful for:

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Creativity

A roof over my head

Air conditioning in my home and in my car (it’s fixed🤗)

Hope in my heart

Compassion

And last but not least,

my job.

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I have been having creative spurts that I am using to make a coworker a journal. Her birthday is in November and me carrying my notebook prompted her to share that she too likes to write. So…what better gift than a handmade journal, right? I will make sure to take pics of the final product to show y’all. I wish I had done that with the others I have gifted. In total, I’ve made about 15. Two of the fifteen were ordered while the remaining 13 were given as gifts. The most typical response I’ve received is, I don’t want to mess it up!! Everyone is afraid to add their artwork to them so with that in mind I made this one with bare bones and included matching papers for use by the new owner. Problem solved. I hope.

I have a three-bedroom, two-bath home with 2 acres of land. It is made a home having Mister, two pups, and a cat. We live in a state that has many days of heat advisory so having central heat and air conditioning is a must. We are fortunate to have it because not everyone does. You may remember me saying that my car’s a.c. was acting up. It is now working making my drive to work tolerable.

Despite the weight of depression, I have hope in my heart for better days. This hope extends beyond my depression. It reminds me that with compassion for myself and others I will survive. And last on my list, work. I am grateful to be employed and to pay my bills on time. Work is more stressful than not but I push through each shift with a smile on my face. Sometimes my smile will drop but I do my best to remember that the shift doesn’t last forever. We are short-staffed. This inevitably puts more strain on the existing staff. Working in the restaurant business comes with its own struggles so adding more work presents a difficult dynamic. It seems a vicious cycle that my employer can’t seem to get ahead of.

This practice of gratitude helped shift my attitude from blah to grateful. Some days this practice isn’t easy. Yeah, it’s easy to write a list but to truly honor that list you’ve got to sit with it. I am fortunate in many ways that when I am feeling cheated or slighted I have plenty to remind myself of. Just having my basic needs met is enough to cherish. Do you ever find yourself in a rut of ungratefulness? What helps you to appreciate what you have?

Until next time

xoxo

Monday Morning Mantra

Welcome to Revenge of Eve’s

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Each Monday I shuffle and draw two cards from two sources, a box set and a deck. The box set boasts encouragement, self-love, goals and focus while the deck affirms our individual power. I then use the two cards to guide me throughout the week. I place the cards on my refrigerator as a visual reference and I write them daily in my journal as written reference. If I find myself experiencing unwanted emotions or challenging thoughts I refer to the cards drawn. I have found this to be an empowering and powerful exercise. One that I decided to share with my readers.

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This week’s Monday Morning Mantra is going to be a little different. I am not drawing cards from any deck but I will leave you with three very important affirmations to guide your week.

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I am enough

I am whole

I am worthy

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I think simplicity is the key this week. Keep these three affirmations at the forefront of your mind. Say them aloud. Say them to yourself in the mirror. Write them in your journal. Recite them however you choose. The goal here is for you to believe them. Your encouragement for the week is:

Keep it simple!

Give me some feedback!! Has this series helped you throughout your week? Do you use affirmations in your daily life? Let me know in the comments.

Until next week!! Remember, keep it simple! Xoxo – Candace

Tech Stuff

It’s been a while since I have done any behind-the-scenes tech stuff but my theme is expired -which sucks btw because it is bad-ass – leaving me vulnerable. I used to enjoy exploring and punching buttons to discover the function but nowadays, not so much. All of my posts over the past two years have been designed to streamline my themes feed. Ie, no title images. I love the minimal look and my theme offers just that. I want the focus of my blog to be the words written so I limit the distractions. I purposely do not run ads on my blog for this very reason. Basically what it boils down to is it’s inconvenient and annoying but I will survive. Just a heads up if you happen to pursue my sight and things seem a little wonky. No worries. It’s just me.

It seems my life and evolution have come to a screeching halt. I used to have plenty to blog about in terms of learning life lessons but nowadays, nothing. Oh, believe me, the break is welcomed, however, the dryness of the blog is a concern. I am not fretting over it like I used to. I suppose when you neglect something it is put on the back of your priority list so there ya have it.

I am working on building my confidence as a writer. So it’s possible I will blog more frequently. Not a writer in the sense of writing books but perhaps offering writing services. I’ve always felt like I am a great proofreader as I notice every misspelled word. Another thing, I always have an opinion after scrolling a website as far as user-friendliness is concerned. These are two skills I am thinking of honing in on in hopes that I may establish a new career.

I’ve been disconnected a lot lately and it is affecting my relationship. Rightfully so. I can see why my previous relationships went the way they did. Or at least I acknowledge my part in the failure. I’ve lived much of my life disassociated and to disassociate is easy. Dare I say natural. But me not being present isn’t fair to my partner. He is worth me trying and getting unstuck for so I will do just that.

Going back to blog talk, I have been working with others in trade for reviews. My blogger outreach post has sent a few folks my way and I couldn’t be happier. So make sure to keep an eye out for future posts. You may find something that interests you!

If you are really interested, subscribe to receive the Garden in your inbox. I update there before I do on the blog. So get your R.O.E. news first and hit that subscribe button 😉