Me, Mentally.

It’s About Damn Time!

I thought it may be a good idea to go ahead and start sharing some of my artwork. I know, I know…its about damn time and a year behind !! Your patience means the world to me. You have no idea how much I appreciate it ❤!!

Keep in mind – I am not a professional artist – only a girl trying to learn healthy ways of expressing herself 🙂

The piece I will be sharing today is a collage piece that references my OCD thoughts. I encounter an inner struggle if I am prompted to create. I prefer to freely create yet I have wanted to have a theme or topic for my artistic exploration.

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*As I began to create this post an idea transpired, creating a domino effect (keep reading). Feelings of sheer excitement consumed me. For the first time, I have a personal theme for a series of artwork 🙂. I hereby present to you, Me, Mentally.*

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Numbers flow through my brain as though they are a river pushing through a mountain range.

Me, Mentally

For as long as I can remember the numbers have been odd and prime. My obsession with odd and prime numbers doesn’t allow for an even number to invade my thought bubble. Last week I decided I would begin inviting even numbers in (do different) one at a time. Do not judge me – I am wired this way.

I started with the number four.

Me, Mentally

While it may not seem so to others, me using an even number, is a HUGE leap for me. How so? I will explain to the best of my ability.

My mind has an infinite love for odd and prime numbers, why? Who the fuck knows, regardless, I associate even numbers as bad or unlucky. The result of this has cost me time if anything. It creates frustration in others who may get tied up in my obsession and avoidance of pairs. Many do not even realize what I do. I could go more in-depth, but I will spare you the unnecessary comprises, deal(s), agreements my brain makes with my brain. Yupp – you read that right.

*Explanations Aren’t Neccessary*

– A side note –

Suffering with mental illness isn’t the easiest of things life may offer. Not only do sufferers not understand the what’s and the whys, but the annoyance of others needing an explanation is tiresome. This day and age mental health is discussed more openly than ever. Do your loved ones a favor by educating yourself about their disorder(s). Expecting an “answer” from them diminishes any progress they may have made. We do not know just as you do not.

Me, Mentally

Upon closer look you see circles. If you look even closer you will find that some of the circles have been punched out of paper. I layered previously used papers to add dimension. Some I filled with paint and others I left as they are. The circles represent the continuum of obsessive thoughts.

Me, Mentally

Lastly, I layered torn strips of thick butcher paper.

*Insight Alert* From the beginning of my journey, I decided I would use old household keys – extras laying around with no use – as my trademark.

I used the butcher paper for spray painting the keys on, a backdrop of sorts. This effect left the brown butcher paper where the keys laid.

Me, Mentally

Meaning behind madness

The key represents the key to my dreams.

I hold it.

You hold yours.

The key to my dreams is buried within me. It’s to be found in my story yet I haven’t sequestered the courage to speak it into existence. I will get there.

What does your key represent??

The Domino Effect: Being Conscious of Myself

I am sure we all can agree that we are our own worse enemies. Many of us may belittle ourselves with negative self-talk (guilty) yet we fail to acknowledge the monumental steps of personal progress toward individual growth. This post represents bravery. Sharing my personal creations is something I have withheld for a multitude of reasons but these days, I truly am doing differently.

I have chosen to forgive someone. – like and actually mean it- The miserable Candace would invite the revenge style relationship that does nothing but torment her but not this time. I chose to forgive because I would want someone to give me a second chance. So instead of attaching feelings to the actions of others, I bravely recognize that is out of my control.

I no longer care to control the actions of others rather than gain control of my own. I have wasted too much time on giving others control of how I feel by permitting them to tell me how I feel. I will no longer accept that nor will I take responsibility for another’s feelings.

Writing this post gave me insight into the ways I have grown. By no means do I claim perfection but moving forward is simply that; moving forward.

What have you done recently that has made you proud?